Has anyone watch breeders on sky one – is it abuse?

[Muddyboots]

Hello,

I’ve watched the first 3 episodes of breeders with Martin Freeman and Daisy Haggard, and the husband figure in it gets really angry and swears at the kids a lot, and in the 3rd episode they are referred to social services but it feels like the programme is kind of saying “isn’t everyone silly and over reacting, this behaviour is funny and fine”

And now I’m wondering, well does this mean I’ve been over reacting, and is it actually fine??

I read some reviews of the show to see if anyone else thought the behaviour crossed the line and they say things like “edgy” and “treading a fine line” but none of the reviewers have said “hold on, this is aggressive and inappropriate and an abusive dynamic” and it’s making me question a lot of stuff about what is and isn’t ok. Would be interesting to hear how others reacted…

[Lisa]

Hello Muddyboots,

I’m sorry to hear that this programme seems to be downplaying potentially abusive and toxic behaviours and leading you to question your own experience.

Unfortunately, there seem to be quite a few TV shows and films that use a domestic abuse story line but market them as thrillers or romances. There seems to be more recognition of hoe problematic this is when it comes to some of these releases, but it sounds like society still has quite a way to go with more subtle examples.

It sounds like you’ve come a long way in recognising the abuse you have experienced, and I’m sorry to hear that you’re doubting yourself. I wonder if it could be helpful to write down some of the incidents or examples that you know to have been abusive in your relationship, and refer back to these in times like this? You are not overreacting.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[RadiantView]

I totally agree with you Muddyboots. I have never watched this programme but I watched Martin Freeman and Chris (can’t remember his name) talking about it and saw a little snippet and it certainly sounded like they were saying that men love their children more than anything but at the same time their children make them so angry that they want to harm them and that when men shout and screams at their children its OK because they actually love them. I though then that what they were describing was abuse and the piece I saw with Martin Freeman shouting dreadful things at his children was abuse. This is being marketed as a comedy. I could imagine men saying its OK everyone does this. Its funny. They made a comedy show about it. Its normal!

[gettingtired]

I haven’t seen this particular programme but I’ve definitely started to notice abusive behaviours in characters or real people on TV over the last year. I’ve also realised the world is full of enablers and so many people don’t understand abuse. I suppose I was one of those people before I joined the forum though and was probably just trying to see the good in everyone.
I wish I had been given a handbook when I was growing up! X

[ISOPeace]

I haven’t seen it but there is definitely a lot in our culture that enables abuse. It sounds like this programme is perpetuating the idea that it’s all ok in the end if you love the other person. The message to me is actually that you can justify any behaviour if you believe you love the other person…. definitely a view of an abuser!

I also hate the idea that it’s romantic to feel that you’d do anything for another person and that you can’t live without them. Our culture seems to confuse love with obsession. It’s hard enough for those of us who find ourselves trauma bonded to see that it’s not healthy, but with society giving us this obsessive and unhealthy picture of love, it’s not surprising that abuse stays hidden in plain sight. xxxx

[Eggshells]

Hi Muddyboots

Ultimately, scripts are written by people who often reflect what they see or have seen going on around them. They’re just ordinary people, writers, not psychologists. They may be totally ignorant to the nature of abuse and have no idea what abuse is.

Unfortunately, there is still so much ignorance about it. I wonder how many women, like me, lived with abuse for decades without knowing it. If we didn’t understand it, even though we were experiencing it, how can others understand it?

Education around this topic is practically non-existent so you may well see abusive relationships reflected by writers who have no idea what it is they’re portraying.

Please don’t use this programme as your frame of reference. It sounds like a very unhealthy (comedy) to me.

[Muddyboots]

Thanks everyone, I really appreciate your responses – it was my husband that actually wanted me to watch the show, before I realised I was in an abusive relationship. I only watched the first episode before saying I didn’t think it was funny, it made me feel uncomfortable (the climax of the first episode is the partner/mum comes downstairs to find the kitchen trashed, a blood trail and her partner and kids gone and not picking up, she assumes the worst and calls the police hahahahaha hilariously thinking her partner had murdered her children, hahahaha so.funny.[this is all sarcasm in case that’s not clear]).

But I thought I would give it another go given the amazing cast and team behind it, to see if I was just sensitised by some stuff happening at home. Now that I know more about abuse it completely staggers me that this got shown, let a lone a second series was made.

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