Has he let me go

[Finallysomethingclicked]

Hi I’ve not been on here long but am so glad I found you lovely ladies your messages have kept me strong for a while so a big thank you.

I’ve been in an abusive marriage verbal and physical for (detail removed by moderator) and only realised last year that I was(feel so stupid about not seeing it for what it was)
Im free,have been for a little while and all of a sudden all has gone quiet with my ex I’m actual very upset and can’t think straight not sure if that’s because he’s finally left me alone and it’s hit me or just relief, maybe both as an after thought. I thought I was being so strong and really felt positive then I’m this mess I don’t feel like I’m coping at all and I hate that the thought of him winning living his life like nothing has happened and I’m this pathetic woman boils my blood. I need a kick up the backside and a big hug. Sorry just not in a good place at the moment😭😭😭

[KIP.]

What you are feeling is perfectly normal. I went through the same. You will come out the other side a happier person with your own life, hobbies, thoughts and interests. Unfortunately you have a roller coaster ride of emotions to overcome. This is where your local women’s aid can help. Also, total no contact with him. Sending you a big hug <—->. I will get easier but meantime be very kind to yourself. Concentrate on your own recovery. Abusers will never be happy, they don’t know how to. He will play mind games, creep in and out of your life and unsettle you if you allow him. The best advice I can give you is to block all contact with him. If you are tied legally, do it all through a solicitor. I know how hard it is and my imagination ran wild at first about what he was upto. Turns out drunk and womanising, just like he always did. Pathetic losers. Stay strong, I promise it gets better and one day you will look back and wonder what you ever saw in such a dysfunctional person x

[Confused123]

HI Hun

At the beginig it is a rollcoaster of emotions of us thinking we are ok then being triggered off, u have got away and u r the true winner even though u dont feel it right now, we all felt stupiid but we are not stupid we were just deceived and tricked. Use this time to re discover yourself and do the things u enjoy, casll nthe helpline if u need to chatt or post here as much as u need to

[Finallysomethingclicked]

Thanks confused and kip,
I’m feeling a bit more together in my mind now I’m at work and busy and having just put my feelings out there(having a wobble)has helped so thank you for listening. I’m doing the no contact thing and it’s helping a lot I know I’m better off now even when I’m at my lowest just never thought it would be this hard and so painful I feel like he died some days. Thanks for listening x

[KIP.]

I once read that dealing with the loss of an abuser is like he walked out the door and died. You will never get closure like other relationships and you need to cut him one hundred percent out your life in order to recover x it gets easier X keep doing things that make you happy x

[Peaceful Pig]

There are so many mixed feelings with this process. Stay alert though, I usually find when my ex goes quiet it’s because he’s planning new tactics and lulling me into a false sense of security. I stood up to him just before Christmas and he’s gone quiet. Sometimes I allow myself the pleasure of thinking he’s gone, then I have to remind myself who he is. Just when I start to believe he’s given up a new curve ball arrives! Xx

[Finallysomethingclicked]

Thank you yes your so right peaceful pig just tonight found out he’s been in contact with my teenage son( not his child )messing with his head always said he was a good step father just an awful husband I was so wrong he’s pure evil

[Author]

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