Has he sexually abused me?

[Ladyforlorn]

I am currently in hospital for my mental health and whilst I have been here I have opened my eyes to a lot of my husband’s behaviour towards and that this is not a normal relationship. I am in the middle of doing a DASH assessment which has brought up a lot of memories. A couple of memories, in particular several memories that I had completely repressed. I won’t go into detail but these involve coercing me into having sex after having our second child, and another where he “forced” a sexual act on me that I had clearly stated I did not want. I a, confused about whether this is abuse. I know now that this was not right and my mental health has a lot to play in this but is it my fault? Should I have made it more clear or stood my ground?
Thank you for your help on this sensitive subject. This is my very first post.

[Camel]

Hello Ladyforlorn

Welcome to the forum.

Sexual coercion is unwanted sexual activity that happens after being pressured in nonphysical ways that include:

Being worn down by someone who repeatedly asks for sex

Being lied to or being promised things that weren’t true to trick you into having sex

Having someone threaten to end a relationship or spread rumours about you if you don’t have sex with them

Sexual contact without your consent is assault.

So, one situation was sexual coercion and the other was sexual assault. In a healthy relationship, you never have to have sexual contact when you don’t want to. It’s never your fault. He chose not to hear you.

[KIP.]

Thames Valley Police have a video called A Cup of Tea.it’s worth taking a look. When I’m confused about this kind of abuse I ask myself if I would treat someone that way and the answer is no.

[Author]

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