Haunting Question

[Galnextdoor]

Hi Ladies,
Today started off well but slowly gone downhill. Don’t think it helps that I didn’t have much sleep and so I’m tired too.

There’s a question that’s haunting me and I wanted to sound it out. I’ll welcome your views, I think it’ll help with my own closure.

I can’t help but play on loop, why me? Why anyone? Why would someone who claimed to love you want to control you? If the truth is that deep down, they don’t love you, or don’t even seem to like you at times, why not just let you go? Why not be single and live it up? Why the need to break someone down – often knowingly? Why do they keep holding on if deep down they dont really want a close relationship?

Ok that’s actually a lot of questions but you catch my drift!!

[fizzylem]

Well I reckon it’s because some men just dont buy into the notion of romantic love; women are there to care, serve, make my life better. As long as he is getting his needs met and isn’t getting any hassle (questioned) he’s happy enough. They are parasites really and it’s not until they’ve sucked the life out of you, and the game is up, do they move on; you see there was never an intimate relationship there in the first place so he doesn’t miss this like we do when it has gone / when we realise there is nothing there.

The why me q only you can answer, there were definately parts of me that made me vulnerable to abuse, putting others first, neglecting my needs, difficulties with boundaries and telling folk where is the line, believing I could help him; never giving up, seeing this as failure / defeat; feeling overly responsible – and more. But I also know he is responsible for his own thoughts, feelings and actions and that there was nothing I could have done differently that would have prevented him being him – my contribution was that I helped to keep it going.

Like a child in the playground, they get off on being mean and holding the power – it’s less about you and more about him wanting to be on top at any cost, no self control and an inabilty to regulate emotions x

[MeOnScreen]

I’ve been wondering the same for years, ever since me and my ex broke up. My ex has a knee gf and often wonder how he can be nice to her and not me.
I feel like that SOME people just can’t help themselves. They are so insecure with themselves that they need someone to feel worse then they are. Like fizzylem said they are parasites and unfortunately we crossed the wrong person

[reborn]

They are deeply insecure men who feel the need to gain some control in their lives by controlling the person they claim to love. Some men go to extreme lengths and we become the victims. Quite often they move on to another victim who they will adore in the public eye. As victims we look like the crazy ex girlfriend who made wild accusations. This level of pretence can’t last forever. It’s like nail polish, it chips away to expose the underneath.

[Lostone]

It’s nothing to do with you. To them you are just part of their supply. They take what they need and if you are still giving it then they dont feel the need to move on. Why put all that effort into finding someone new and doing all the fake nice things if you are still going to give them the control, because that’s what they are after.

And I say all of this and I still go back, so this has zero judgement or blame. But its absolutely not you. You’ve done nothing wrong. You were just unlucky to find a man who is happy doing this. Its them with the issues.

You must have something beautiful in you to start that they want to take and destroy.

I keep telling myself daily and really hope that one day I’ll be strong enough to finally break the tie.

Xx

[Author]

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