Have a bad feeling

[Apples]

My husband and I separated (Detail removed by Moderator) ago after years of coercive control and manipulation – we have several children and I now live happily with our kids and life had been improving now we are away from him. The fly in the ointment was that he struggles to accept the separation and has been in almost daily contact with me and the kids, often pressing me on how he can get me back and almost appears to be obsessed with me and getting me back.
I tried on many occasions to tell him I’m happy alone (with kids) and tried to keep things amicable for kids sake. (Detail removed by Moderator) ago I offered him to join me taking our child to school on their first day, thinking it would be nice to include him as he had been having them over at his house for the odd night. He came back for coffee which was fairly usual but began questioning me about who I was sleeping with and accusing me of sleeping with many people, all totally imagined.
I was exasperated and had just turned to take a sip of coffee and he pounced on me and began punching my head and upper body over and over again. I wasbruised and shocked and when I went to grab my phone he threw it across the room.
I spent the next hour trying to appease him and convince him to leave but I was terrified he wouldn’t leave and could attack me again.
When he did leave I called the police and he was later arrested and charged.
His bail conditions state (Detail removed by Moderator) but he can contact the children. He hasn’t made contact so far but has beg questioning our eldest child in very subtle ways about how I am coping with children etc. (Detail removed by Moderator) my daughter was ill and he sent me a message telling me to contact him if I needed help or to take her to hospital. I didn’t reply.
This morning I woke with a feeling of gloom and feeling scared that he is going to try to contact me and has begun overthinking and imagining scenarios again that cause his outbursts.
I’m so scared that he will go further because I’m not there to reassure him as I always had done ( not that I wanted to but it was the only way to live in peace with him ). I am still sore and keep getting dizzy and headaches. He (Detail removed by Moderator) denies beating me. He says I bruised myself because I’m depressed. I keep having thoughts that he will come and kill me because he is obsessed and it could be an all or nothing situation for him. He doesn’t have family or friends here and his family are in another country.
The detective who has dealt with the incident was great but I have had no other support, just friends who in grateful for but I keep being told there is lots of support out there but I haven’t had any.
The local Donestic Abuse service run by the council did contact me but phone kept cutting out and they said I’d be contacted within two weeks but I haven’t been.
I feel confused,ashamed and scared of what will happen when his bail conditions expire. I’ve been to my gp as I couldn’t sleep and he prescribed sleeping tablets for a week. No one in authority seems interested and I feel I’m on my own and don’t know where to turn.

[Tiffany]

Call the women’s aid helpline. It’s a great place to start for support. I am so sorry things escalated like this so long after you left, but it sounds like you have dealt with it amazingly well. Have you spoken to the domestic abyse unit with the police, or just the detective dealing with the case? My understanding is that they can put various safety measures in place, like having your phone line on a sort of speed call out list, where they will come even if you don’t manage to stay on the line to talk to the call handler. If you can summon the energy, I would chase up the support you were offered. Hope this helps.

[KIP.]

Victim support were a huge help to me. Absolute zero contact with him and report every single time he breaches bail. Starting with that text he sent you. Then change your number. If he wants to see his children there is a proper legal way for him to do that. Fear is what keeps us hooked in and allows him to come close. I know how you feel. I felt the same. I felt safer being in contact so I could keep an eye on his mood and be one step ahead. It doesn’t work like that though. You need to push The boundary right back every time he pushes. Don’t fall for his twisted games. Texting and offering help after he beat you and called you a liar to the police and courts. And making you go out through the stress of a court case. These men have no time limit for their abuse. Many women are murdered long after divorce or separation. Keep trying your local women’s aid. Keep posting for support. You can get through this. Ask for a restraining order as part of the court case once bail is lifted. Let the Crown know to ask the judge for this and then get a non molestation order in place once the restraining order expires x

[Author]

Posts