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i have posted quite a bit past 2days as i am really struggling to come to terms with things. after reading so many posts i began to question myself. i started to not want him to go out. watching who he was texting timing him getting home from work. after him getting so drunk he couldn’t stand i hit him in fact head butted no i am not proud im very ashamed of myself. the police told me to say it was self defence after i explained what happened. things have gone on that i cant explain properly. speeding tickets from places he shouldn’t of been in when im on mights miles away from home… “oh yeah the car had been cloned” final straw a lads night (detail removed by moderator) me stay at home on my own i protested the argument blew up it was the final straw i told him me or (detail removed by moderator) so i said pack your stuff and go. he DID NOT put up a fight he packed his stuff and went. i put up with so much that i could not mentally take anymore i was burnt out scared to go to work coz why the cats away the mice will play and played he did.. so please tell me am i an abuser or a victim as i am so confused
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Sometimes they’re the ones checking up etc but other times they deliberately instil us with jealousy etc so they can blame us for it. So don’t doubt yourself. You can put up with so much that it makes you act in certain ways. My ex would withdraw a lot and I would get accused of being needy and creating drama all the time and I would be apologetic etc but he was horrific, everything on his terms always. Even when I had a miscarriage he wasn’t there. It’s still controlling behaviour. It does feel like you are the one in the wrong when it’s reversed like this. I’m not the best person to reply as I also feel that it’s my behaviour that looks wrong and needy and even abusive so I hope someone else can chip in and reassure both of us! I understand the feeling of being pushed. So much x
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thank you. you have made me feel a lot better. yes he pushed me to not trust him my gut feeling was always screaming at me. he also twisted everything to be my fault. i cant imagine how you felt going through all of that and having a miscarriage im so sorry to read thst my heart broke for you. i know thr next couple of days are going to be s rollercoaster of emotions. i was just scared i became an abuser.. im so not like that but he pushed and pushed and pushed me to breaking point. id cancel shifts at work because of his behaviour then have a go at me for losing money. i could never win. thank you for your reply i hope life has turned around for you
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Abusers are cunning. They set us up all the time for a fall. Just so they can then twist the blame. Always changing the goal posts. It’s a game they’re expert at. It’s crazy making behaviour. It was never you. They put us in situations where we think we are going mad. Deliberately dropping hints or simply gaslighting us. No wonder so many victims of abuse commit suicide. Their cruelty is beyond belief and if you’ve never experienced it, how would you know what he was up to. I made the mistake of believing he thought just like me. He doesn’t. Don’t try to work him out. Just look after your own needs.
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thank you again kip.. i too understand why women take their lives i have been so close but i couldn’t hurt my sister and niece. its cruel so cruel that they can cause all this heartache,turmoil and just walk away without any remorse or compassion. that is what’s torture for me. he seen me sob so many times and did not care. cruel so cruel
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