Have I overreacted? I feel so guilty

[turnedintoaghost1]

Hi, I’m new here.

I am currently separating from my husband.
I know in my head that he is emotionally abusive as well as mentally abusive.
But I feel so guilty.

I have asked him to leave the house, it is in my name, and rented. He has absolutely no where to go. No friends, and his family will not take him in due to their fragile relationship, which they say is down to his behaviour.
I am living with a n********t, I am so sure of it, so why do I feel so sorry for him? I should just chuck him out and care but I can’t.
We have a child together, as well as us both having children from previous relationships.
He uses our child as a control tactic. If we disagree, he will take them from me and refuse to give them back. He demands I bring HIS child to him if I am out and disagree about something. He is relentless until I do.
This came to a head when I was at a family members house recently, there was a disagreement (detail removed by moderator) I refused to argue on the phone. I let him know he would not be welcome. He demanded I handed HIS child to him, even though our child was playing happily. He ended up waiting outside until I did hand over our child.
I then got the blame for him being left outside even though I had told him he would not be welcome.
I applied for a preventative steps order, to stop him removing our child from my care. This was done exparte, without his knowledge.
I was granted the order. He does not know yet as I gave his address as his mothers, and I am terrified.
He will not take this well at all, (detail removed by moderator) but they also have his number.
I am terrified I have over reacted and now involved people I shouldn’t have, and that I have caused a lot of drama.
I feel sick all the time, I’m actually throwing up due to nerves.
I tried to cancel the order out of sheer panic but the court has refused.
I don’t know what to do, I am so scared I have made a mess of things.
Have I done the right thing, does anyone have any experience of this?

[Lisa]

Hi Turnedintoaghost1,

Welcome to the forum and thank you for posting.

I am sorry to hear about your situation. It’s normal to have these feelings of guilt, but you aren’t doing anything wrong.

I just wanted to reassure you that you have done the right thing, and you haven’t overreacted at all. Your husband demands that you hand over your child whenever you disagree with him which is very controlling. Please think about calling the police if you are worried that things are going to escalate.

Take care and please keep posting on the forum to let us know how you are,

Lisa

[turnedintoaghost1]

Thank you. I informed him of the order (removed by moderator). As I guessed he was not best pleased. He told me he would be moving out that night.
I went to a family member’s house so the children and I could not be manipulated into asking him to stay.
He also demanded our child for the whole weekend, knowing they had never been away from me, no one else has ever done bedtime or comforted during the night. Our child is also still breastfed.
For me, this confirmed I was correct in having the order placed. It has taken away any guilt I felt. Because I’m my head I knew he would do it.
He refused to tell me where he would be taking our child, I let him know without an address they would not be going anywhere. playing on the ‘I am stopping him seeing the baby and that is abuse’ card.

I am focusing on boundaries and sticking to them. Already I feel slightly better. The knot in my stomach is still there but it has lessened.

[Author]

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