29th December 2015 at 2:04 pm #6725Falling SkysParticipant
Hi a comment that Daisy made on one of my posts have made me think and I am too close to it to think logically.
Though at the same address I do not communicate verbally with my ex. Which is great as there is no instance abuse.
But he has turned our adult children against me.
My daughter/grandchildren I haven’t seen in around a year (I could tell you the date and time but then it might identify me). I did see her out once and she said that she didn’t expect me to grovel, I said let me know when I could go round and talk but she never contacted me or returned my texts. (she has an abusive partner)
My son is in the family home and we hardly speak, party because he’s never allowed to be in on his own (only time we had together was when his father was ill in bed due to too much alcohol. It was like having my sons back)
But if was very disrespectful to me yesterday, and I gave zero tolerance to it, in the end I said that it was my name on the deeds not his and as far as I was aware he paid nothing towards the bills. Also I said to stop being other peoples mouth piece. (My abuser was in the corner looking very smug about the whole affair)
Now I’m saying he’s turned them against me or am I making accuses for them like I did their father and they abusing me too.
I hope this make sense.
29th December 2015 at 3:22 pm #6736TamraParticipant
What a nasty piece of work standing there looking smug – Id like to wipe it off his face. I dont get angry often but when they drag in their own children grown up or not that just gets on my wick in fact my blood is at boiling point. Mine turned his daughter against me and I have supported her though things he or his ex wife dont know about and that hurts but I have to live with that. luckily my children and are also grown up were effected by they way he made me feel and I would always get them out the way – treading on eggshells or broken glass as I now like to say. they were not his children thank god but we got together they were all very young. He was most jealous of my son and didnt communicate with him which made the atmosphere awful. He once blamed my son for my ex having a relationship with a friend of ours and said it was the way he looked at him, my son was under 10 (I wont put the actual age as I would like it left so you can get an idea of how pety my ex is) this makes me angry and what a ……. excuse for cheating. my ex was desperate for my relationship to crack with my son and when I supported my son in his late teens with something important to him my ex said what I did was taking me away from him even though I tried to get him involved, oh my god how self centered – Sorry FallingSkys I have just of loaded.
Your daughter sounds like she may have problems herself if what you say is right and shes in an abusive relationship – poor girl thats just awful for her and you. she may turn to you one day so be ready.
As for your son he may be living in fear that his father will kick of at him or his behavior has rubbed off on him, like us they manipulate anyone they can and even more so if it will hurt us more.
I hope you can sort this and get that man out of your house but stay safe.
big hug being sent to you
29th December 2015 at 3:24 pm #6737TamraParticipant
PS Melanie Tonia Evan has a youtube and write up about the effects on children and parenting
29th December 2015 at 5:47 pm #6745DaisyParticipant
Sorry falling skys, didn’t mean to cause you to doubt yourself,
Seems you are doing admirably well under such hard circumstances.
Guess, I just meant that if your brother has noticed it,
Perhaps because he is close but not so emotionally entangled a few words from him might succeed with your children, whereas your words haven’t as yet.
Also, the current environment must be hard for your son,
Such a shame that communication between you two( mum and son) is suffering,
Hopefully when you are both finally ( him and you) apart things will start to improve because your children are free to see you without the feelings of disapproval from their father.
I think that children realise from an early age, who not to upset because of the consequences I.e the abuser so us mum’s then become an easier option to let down,
X x x
29th December 2015 at 7:06 pm #6750Falling SkysParticipant
Bless you all for your comments. For my survival, I have to protect myself from anyway the abuse will come and it is through my sons behaviour that I am being hurt the most, I try so hard not too let my guard down but it seems as soon as I let him in he turns. And if they are now abusers I have to accept it. Like all things time will tell xx
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