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Today, for the first time since I became aware of all of this, I have felt angry. Angry that he thinks so little of me that he thinks he can talk to me the way he does. Angry that he doesn’t appreciate me. Angey that I haven’t been able to tell him
How it is up until now. Angry that I have let him waste so much of my life. Angry for every one of the liberties he has taken away from me over the years. I could go on!I have made a decision, after years of convincing myself he will change or that I am the one to blame. After years of it being able to admit that I am in an abusive relationship.
I want a divorce. It may take me another year to say those words to him – but I will!
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I have learnt, very quickly, that the realisation and then the momentum for change is like a grieving process. Mine has all happened rather quickly .. but that anger was (and is still a bit) there for me too … channel it …. if you have read Matilda (or seen the film!) then there’s the bit when she’s angry and she uses the anger to move a glass with her eyes, and make a lizard or something jump out at the meanie …it’s the same here (sort of!) … feel the anger, and use it like a super power to make a change .. but never ever be hasty … stay in complete control of everything you say and do (I have had to bite my tongue many many times). He won’t know what’s hit him (metaphorically speaking!) xx
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You are so right abcxyz – it is exactly like a grieving process!!
I plan on taking my time and not doing anything rash. If I let emotions take over too much (and I don’t mean not feeling them just letting them control the situation) then it will all go wrong and he will win.
So grateful for all of the support
TTMO X*X
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