18th June 2016 at 11:16 pm #19534
I am really interested if anybody has been victim of an unfaithful partner where they were lied to & deceived over a period of time. Please give me your stories. Thanks x*x
19th June 2016 at 9:13 am #19544
I am so sorry to hear that (detail removed by moderator), thank you for sharing it with me. These men and pure evil, I think a lot of the problem seems to be accepting them at face value? My ex was charming but it now is coming to light a devious and cruel liar, but subtly so you don’t spot it straight away.
1st July 2016 at 8:00 pm #20659hoodwinkedParticipant
My husband has left me because he wants the space to be able to contact other women on line….I have even been sat in the room whilst he has been chatting to them……but I was so scared to say anything whilst he was doing it……it was insidious and ruined my self esteemed I felt demeaned as a human being never mind a wife…….how can they get you to such a state that you are scared to say anything
1st July 2016 at 9:32 pm #20669
Hoodwinked, thanks for your post, i am so sorry to hear this. These men are vile b***ards!!! The lies and cruelty they dish out is absolutely dreadful, it completely ruins your deep inner self worth and feelings about yourself and life. I have been out of my relationship for a while now, i’m over the worse but I was much where you are now. I would like to tell you, if you can get through the period of time often called trauma bonding, you are home and dry. When I first split i was completely devastated, it took me months to stop thinking about him and feeling depressed. I now smile more, feel much happier and enjoy my life minus him. I live alone, enjoy my time and feel that i have my life back. My ex treated me abominably and i believe that he would have continued to do this had i let him. I think he wanted me there to pick up every so often and he was seeing a couple of other people at the same time. I on the other hand was completely committed to him. You will get through this Hoodwinked, please take the advice of the women on here, this forum got me to break free from my abusive ex. XXXX
1st July 2016 at 10:04 pm #20673I am better than thisParticipant
My husband cheated on me several times and I always managed to find acceptable reasons for why he did it. Like an idiot, I became pathetic at the thought of loosing him, I actually put up with it time and time again. Each time I forgave him I believed it would prove to him just how much I loved him, and he would love me more and treat me better.
Looking back now I realise I was probably the laughing stock of where we lived, a small community where everyone knew everyone else’s business. Though since we’ve parted ways, lots of people have told me that they never understood what I saw in him and that I was too good for him.
We parted almost a year ago and I never understood why he’d walked out. I suspected another woman but he swore on our sons life there was no one else.
So I picked myself up and got on with my life. Actually started to enjoy life.
Then he started ‘wooing’ me back. He took me out, bought gifts, sent me love songs, told me he wanted to try again and spent nights in my bed. After 6 wks of that, he came to talk about a reconciliation. Only instead he admitted that he wasn’t actually single anymore and she was expecting his baby. I asked him why he had lied to me and hurt me like this. He said he couldn’t just walk away from me because he still loved me. He still didn’t tell me the whole truth then. That I only found out when his new partner called me a month later to find out if he’d cheated on her with me!
They’d been having an affair for at least a couple of months before we split up. He’d used our child to meet up with her and her kids behind her husbands back.
She told me so many things, I felt sick to my stomach listening.
The crux is…..he still continues to lie. I have long since turned my back on him but he’s so addicted to lying, he still does it. It scares me now when I look back at all the twisted things he did that I constantly accepted. He gave me infections that caused miscarriage and I still excused him.
Now he’s moved on to his next prey and she has found excuses for his behaviour too. Her problem….I did warn her!!
1st July 2016 at 10:24 pm #20676
Dear I Am Better Than This,
Thanks, for posting, i’m so sorry to hear what happened to you. When you split from an abusive partner, for a time after the split, for me it was about 5 months you are not thinking as you would do normally. You have a huge range of really confusing emotions and these are often made worse by the ex saying they love and miss you or him doing something to hurt you even more. You head and health is really all over the place post split. I’m through all that now so I am able to see things a lot clearer. I came to the realization a few weeks ago, that it is helpful to put aside all that you are going through post split and remind yourself why you are not together. To ask yourself if you felt happy, content, and had a good relationship when you were together. I finished with my ex for a range of reasons, i knew he did not have the characteristics for a decent relationship and that these things could not be fixed. Its really useful to keep reminding yourself of that, as post split I felt mine was some some amazing, unavailable god & I was way beneath him. All calculated on his part i’m sure. You will get the help on here to get your head together and start planning your future. Please keep reading the posts and sharing your thoughts.XXXXX
2nd July 2016 at 7:26 am #20706I am better than thisParticipant
I think for me it had been made harder because I really didn’t see these things coming. Perhaps I should have?
When we split, I spent several months bereft and emotional. Then I made a conscious decision to move on. We still had contact because of our son, but I moved on.
I just haven’t been able to come to terms with him tricking me during THAT time and fooling me into believing he really wanted to make a proper go of our marriage. I don’t understand it at all. He was in a relationship, they were expecting a baby, her husband had walked out on her when he found out, leaving them free to get on together. Why didn’t he just leave me to carry on with my life?
I cannot imagine a more cruel thing to do to a long suffering wife, than what he did. Pretend he was free and single. Pretend he wanted to try again. Who does that? How could he look at our son and know he was playing a game with our lives?
Mentally and emotionally, it’s that event that has completely messed my head up. Shattered my confidence and rocked my self esteem.
Recently he called me to lecture me on the fact that as our sons dad, he has a right to know when I start seeing someone else. Yeah ok. I will grant him the same level of respect he gave me. Anyway, he reduced me to tears in that phone call.
Then turned up the next day (access day) with a bouquet of flowers to say sorry for making me upset.
Now I know the rest of the world would see that as right….kind even. Not me! I see it as the same man who would spend our marriage buying me flowers out of some manipulative act of ‘guilt’ and still treat me badly. He is still the same man even tho we are not together.
I can accept our marriage is over. I do not want to go back there again. I feel free at last. So……why am I so broken about him having tried to woo me back under the guise of being a single man? Why has that really gotten to me? Crazy isn’t it. THAT is the thing that has pushed me to a breakdown almost. Maybe it’s because I can see NO reason why he felt able to do that. It was the cruelest thing to do.
2nd July 2016 at 8:13 am #20709
Dear I Am Better, the best thing for you to do is to really spend time on this forum reading through all of the posts that you can identify with. I was cured by this forum and my reading and research and I was in the same mental limbo with unanswered questions as you have. There are many many free books available that are immediately free or cheap to read. Some that I love are:
Why does he do that?
All ebooks by HG Tudor
30 Covert Manipulation Tactics in Personal Relationships
When Love is a Lie and N********t Free by Zari Ballard
And also keep posting on here and sharing your thoughts XXXXX
8th July 2016 at 5:35 pm #21294AnonymousInactive
My ex told me that a co worker was in love with him .. but i doubted myself as she got engaged he loved her more like .plus i found out my best m8 was supplying my ex sexual needs while i slept this did not come to light till i needed his bank statements.. she was sending him money he controlled her also iam disgusted
8th July 2016 at 8:15 pm #21304
Dear Primbo, thank you for your feedback, i am sorry this happened to you. Best mate, worst enemy more like! You are so much better off without him and her. I thought today how happy I am now to be free of all my my deep anxiety about his ‘friendships’ who multiple other women. It gave me so much internal stress and worry i just could not handle his lies and flirting and god knows what, he loved women and had 3 or 4 here there and everywhere, supposedly it was innocent but i think he fed his ego through the attention of women, he loved to flirt with them and keep them dangling. I am so pleased now that we have split i don’t have that awful grief any more. Shame on your friend primbo you don’t need friends like that. X*X
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