1st March 2016 at 9:13 pm #10804
Does life ever get easier? I ask myself this question so many times and it just frustrates me..
How can anyone get over or come to terms how much their life has changed after abuse? Knowing that the person who hurt you so much got away with everything and can live their life with no worries at all not even when it comes to his daughter.. While we have to suffer with the aftermath of the abuse.. The depression, the anxity the memories, I feel like my life is never going to move forward and I’m stuck in a rut with myself 🙁
1st March 2016 at 9:34 pm #10809SaharaDParticipant
I feel stuck too. I do feel like I’m going nowhere. What helps is to think about what is currently good in my life right now.
Life doesn’t get easier. When I told my mother that my husband had assaulted me badly and I was in a refuge. She cried and couldn’t eat or sleep for months and also took out her emotions on me. I bet when my mother saw my father hand me over to my husband at the chancel screen before our parish priest where she had seen me baptised and confirmed( take first Communion)she thought that she never had to worry about me again and I would be looked after and her life would be easier. Alas not to be.
Bit by Bit my current circumstances have changed. I don’t think my life is any easier, I think I have learnt(still learning) to cope with it better.
I will try now to look at what’s good.
1. All my bills are paid.
2. I have a bit of savings.
3. I can buy anything I want in the supermarket, clothing store, shoe store.
4. I can treat myself.
5. I have a warm place with hot water and working electrics to live.
6. I have some professionals who know what they are doing helping me.
7. I have a support network where I can go and talk about my emotions
8. I have a job!
9. I get enough top up benefits to live on.
10. My medication works for me and I can manage its effects.
11. My parents and my only sibling are still alive.
12. My job pays a bonus 3 times my monthly salary in March/April this year.
13. I took myself on a nice holiday to a far away place.
14. I bought one of my men I have been dating a lovely gift which he really like.
15. I am able to go on dates.
16. Most of my medical conditions are manageable.
17. I get nice compliments from the men I date and from the men and women at work.
18. My colleagues make me laugh.
19. I’m not lacking in material things.
20. I haven’t seen my abusive husband is over 2 years and I’m happy about that!
If you can think about good things currently in your life and write them down. Don’t think about the past or the future. I can think of one now. I don’t have children but you do. Having a child is a most wonderful thing. 🙂
1st March 2016 at 9:54 pm #10813
I’m so sorry to hear what happened but you sound like such a positive Strong lady who is moving forward without letting you what happened get in the way and I admire your strength. You have made think,I should think about the things I have and write them down maybe that will help me, instead of focusing of the negative. I am still in contact with him in regards to my daughter maybe this contact is why I get low.
Thank you again for you message 🙂
1st March 2016 at 10:13 pm #10814SerenityParticipant
I am feeling very much like you this week. My anxiety has increased and I keep thinking that what he did must have been a nightmare. Surely it couldn’t have really happened?
At times like this, I turn to Distress Tolerance techniques. It might help you to Google this.
At times when your brain thinks it will explode from having to face such a horrible reality, and your body and mind a he with it all and you can’t find a way to cauterise your painful emotions, these things have helped me.
Hope you find the ideas as useful x
1st March 2016 at 10:34 pm #10819
I think exactly the same and then I feel sad for letting such bad things happen to me. My mind is like a roller coaster and I over think everything its frustrating.
I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling like this to, I know how hard it is and I really hope it gets easier for you.
I will most definitely take your advice and Google it.
Thank you for recommending it x
1st March 2016 at 11:13 pm #10828AyannaParticipant
I also try to count my blessings. But this does not help all the time. The abuse and the endless court hearings have done something to me. I am a different person and I do not know yet who I have become.
I made a plan, a tick list. Every time I achieve a goal I tick it.
I feel things move very slowly, but I achieve everything in slow motion.
When I look back it is actually a lot.
If I did not have my tick list I would not do anything or I would do it in a disorganised manner and achieve nothing.
I have only three more goals to achieve from a long list that I wrote when I fled.
They all have to do with improving my life and career.
Some of them are difficult goals and they require months and months of effort to achieve them.
This is a distraction from the suffering and directs my focus on the things that count for my longterm survival.xx
2nd March 2016 at 11:45 am #10852Confused123Participant
Just got to have faith and hope, i actually wear a bracelet which represents things important to me, faith, hope, freedom ,luck ,peace , children and shopping. I try constantly get support whenever i can, writing down the positive and negatives in your life helps too, make a comparison to what life was like with ex and now without ex , seeing it in writing does help , talk to us as much as u need to
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