Hi Inneedof
It must be mind numbing all you have been through, after all this time on high alert you body is saying you can relax and heal.
You mind is trying to put things in order, and I don’t think its a case of being happy, we should never have been put in the position in the first place. You may even need to greave for the life/relationship you thought you were getting.
If you need so quiet time take it, and have some me it, soak in the bath, long walk what ever helps even watch a b movie with a of chocolate/glass of wine.
I hope that now you can become the true you xx