Viewing 10 reply threads
  • Author
    • #16105

      Hi, I don’t know why since I move out and no contact. I tried to do my things but I have bad days lots of time. My car broken down hundreds miles away, and kept giving me problem. I have problem with accommodation. The lodger said she selling the house just after two weeks I moved in and I have been so clear I hate moving places before I moved in.. Is this all karma because I report him to police for abused me? Is it something telling me I’m the bad person..

    • #16107

      Trauma takes a long time to get over. We find we get triggered in stressful situations, and sometimes it can feel like the whole works is punishing us.

      I had scenarios like yours, too.

      But these events are random, or if they aren’t, I believe they are there to test us and strengthen us.

      Doing little things weekly- like engaging in relaxation techniques ( meditation/ fitness groups?), and feeling on top of your finances, so you have an emergency fund that you know you can fall back on- help you to feel calmer and in control. Doing things to pamper yourself plus give you some power back.

      Don’t think you are being punished for what you have done. You were right to do it.

    • #16110


      This is just life ways of testing us to make us more stronger its not cause u reported him, when i left ex my car had constant tyre puncture and car problem and i had never been to the garage with the car when was with him the car was just perfect, it is just happening randmoly, to cop ei used to make a list of jobs that needed doing so i wasnt overwhelmed by the jobs and help me relax knowing what jobs needed doing

    • #16113
      Falling Skys

      Hi MP

      Like you I go from one problem to another. But I have coped with a few tears. Look at these issues are bumps along the road to freedom.

      You did the right thing on reporting him.

      Start trying to fit in some positive time for you. Wether its working out or a coffee enjoy.

      And it could take over a year to sale the place where you are living, so mo need to rush on that one.

      FS xx

    • #16120

      Hi ladies, thank you so much for the feedback. That’s the things. I keep trying to manage things but feel like keep slipping out from my hands. Car repairs doesn’t come cheap and keep happening. I do engaging my self with positive things. Bath in the evening, see friends, and I have been busy to be around my best friend who struggling with kidney failure. Which keep my mind on top of the world being able to do something nice to others. I even give homless people food but I keep having troubles. I can’t sleep this few days bcouse the court date getting closer. Just feel this bad things happening bcouse I’m doing bad things that I deserved to be punished for bcouse even I try to do nice things, being my self without anyone stopping me. My ex used to told me being stupid bcouse I do something nice. Even I smile at people I met on street is wrong for him. And now I have been doing it without pressure, it’s makes me feel good. But why is my luck is so bad? Why I have to keep dealing with stuff that keep happening? My heart telling me it’s not me, but the fact that happen telling me other wise. In my stage now is confusing me more than I already am.

    • #16121

      Dear MP, don’t worry about these things, for some time now you’ve had your ex to fall back on with these type of things. He may have been useless and totally un supportive but he was still there in your mind/presence if you know what i mean, this may have taken the focus off of car troubles and accommodation problems. Now your fully solo these these seem bigger than they really are. Its good for us to have challenges it makes us stronger. You have done so well to report him and get out, your confidence and self esteem will be so much better as time goes on, whereas he is stuck with his internal anger issues. X*X

    • #16123

      Hi HA,
      The problem is he doesn’t think he has issue. He is happy he has new girl friend and the fact he didn’t feel guilty for what he did to me. It’s me all along who has issue. For him is good that I’m out from his life. He can be happy with the new one and he have peace in his life bcouse the women who “sick in the head” is out from his life. I’m million percent that’s how he think all of this.

    • #16124

      Yes but, at the moment its early days, give it time, time for him to realize you are gone and no longer his punchbag. What is he going to do with all of that energy as he won’t have you to dump it onto? As the time goes on he will start to think a number of things, firstly what are you doing and how you are, as you are NC this will be nagging away at him. Maybe he wont be thinking these things right now as he is pre-occupied with her. But MP, please realize that that is very shallow and based on only sex or physical attraction. That dies off after about 6 weeks and other things come into the equation. In the meantime you are building yourself up and making yourself feel better, he is going to be the one who falls in the end not you. It might take time as he is in a honeymoon period and this may gone on for some time with different people and you are down and sad. But slowly things will turn around and turn around permanently, you will be a stronger women and he will have his status of mentally abusive bully confirmed as he ends up a lonely old man that nobody really loves. Success is the best form of revenge MP, if you make yourself the best you can possibly be, hold your head up high, be happy and don’t look at him again this will eat him up inside. XXXXX

    • #16162

      Hi HA,
      Thank you.
      I do realise and feel that I’m totally fine, I am much happier person to be around my friend. The fact now is can be my self again. But when I think about the court that is coming stress me up. My mood switch to the lowest level. I can make my self face it and just get on with it. I still worries about him, knowing and feeling how awful my stage now bcos what he did. The fact that I don’t feel loosing anything but gaining to be better person. I just wish he didn’t assault me that night. But I’m glad it happen otherwise I will be the miserable women that I hate. Everything is so confusing. I wish I can stop the time so I don’t have to decide about the court.
      After all I really care about him. All those year I had hope but I don’t have now. He “has to be” history that I can go back into. I know even if he beg me I would never allow my self to be with him anymore. Funnily none of my friends feel sorry that we separated. They might can see who he really is all this time I’m the one blinded to see it.

    • #16217

      Hi MP, this is a familiar experience. I experienced so many disasters since I am on my own. I doubted that I would ever have a normal life.
      At some point I was convinced that someone jinxed me.
      But things get better.
      It just takes times. Somehow I seemed to attract bad luck. Maybe you feel like this too.
      At the moment I experience a complete breakdown of my immune system. My health goes down constantly and I cannot stop that.
      After all the stress I just accept it.
      My work is already alright and my housing situation is acceptable. One by one things will get sorted. Do not give up hope. See it as part of the process of breaking free. x*x

    • #16218

      I had a dreadful day like that once soon after he left- the car breaking down in the middle of nowhere, etc.

      Like Ayanna says, things will get sorted one by one. Think of it as building a new wall, brick by brick x

Viewing 10 reply threads
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.

© 2024 Women's Aid Federation of England – Women’s Aid is a company limited by guarantee registered in England No: 3171880.

Women’s Aid is a registered charity in England No. 1054154

Terms & conditionsPrivacy & cookie policySite mapProtect yourself onlineMedia │ JobsAccessibility Guide

Log in with your credentials


Forgot your details?

Create Account

Skip to content