Having to be the "bad cop" parent

[Anonymous]

Does anyone else find themselves constantly having to be the “bad cop” in terms of parenting?

I’m sick of it. I often have an angry, sad, confused child on my hands because dear daddy has allowed something at best unhealthy and at worst downright dangerous, and I’m the one who has to put a stop to it.

I’m nice! I protect them from the worst of his moods, I try to shield them from seeing how he treats me, I try to be a good, fun mum everyday…but almost everyday I find myself having to say “no” to something my partner has allowed.

Arrrrgggghhhh

[Camel]

Hi Sande

If it’s bad now, imagine how much worse it will get as your child grows. Children see and hear everything. You can only do so much shielding and protecting. Watch out for the time your partner starts to refer to you as ‘silly mummy’ or tells your child to keep secrets from you. I know this sounds extreme but abusers don’t mind using their children as pawns.

[Anonymous]

My partner has already called me “silly mummy” to the kids. And if I say something needs to stop/isnt ok he’ll say “mummy’s just tired and grumpy”. There’s literally no winning

[HopeLoveHappiness]

Good Morning Sande💕

I had this same trouble, so i know how your feeling. Its a hard situation, but remember your saying no for a reason. Your being sensible, your saying no when its needed. He needs to understand this, your children will then start to think “well if mummy says no, daddy will say yes”. Your trying to do the right thing as a parent, trying to protect them from harm. You’ve done nothing wrong x

[Chasingrainbows]

Oh Sandé I feel you. My husband was unreasonable for a long time, and it took my youngest being scared of him for me to realise it couldn’t happen again. His mood swings got massive, he got more and more unreasonable. You are absolutely right to do what you are doing, it’s just hard when you feel alone with the parenting. Do think about the effect on you and the kids as they get older. My eldest was (detail removed by Moderator) and argued back which he didn’t like very much. My youngest definitely copied some of his behaviours.

[Anonymous]

Good morning ladies

Thank you for your kind words and support. The effect on my kids is really strange and ever changing. My children are super young – without being too precise they arent of school age yet.

The older one is showing their voice and opinions and a few times now I’ve found myself having to stand up for them. When my partner is angry at something, anything, my child can be in the firing line and I have yo be constantly vigilant for warning signs.
. But equally when I’ve lost it with the oldest, my partner has told me I’m mean and said told the child I’m grumpy or tired. The poor child must be so confused.

The younger one prefers my partner. No two ways about it. I sometimes wonder if this is mt fault as I’ve been so very stressed and upset through their little life – I dont think I’m much fun to be around.

Parenting is tough and solo I imagine it’s tougher. But honestly having someone work against me all the time is worse.

[Author]

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