Having to meet years later

[KIP.]

Has anyone gone years and then had to meet an ex abuser. This would be in a legal setting although I can’t expand. Any experiences shared would be welcome. I think I’m strong enough but worry my emotions will get the better of me x

[Watersprite]

Hi Kip – no experience just sending support and although it sounds really difficult I want to remind you that you are not the person you were when you were with him! He is weak and cowardly you are brave powerful and wise. Stand tall and strong in your power even if your knees are quaking. Emotions are normal even after years. We are all here for you just as you have been for us for any emotional fallout. How far have you come! X

[Darcy]

Hi my beautiful angel … Kip,
After (detail removed by moderator) away from my ex and no contact he moved into a house on the same road as my parents, which is (detail removed by moderator) from me!
We never actually spoke but I saw him a few times in the car and on one occasion came face to face to him
It was quite a wired feeling but I believe it was my angels telling me …
‘this is now over’, and giving me full permission to move on.
He didn’t intimidate me like he use to as I had become stronger and more confident and was standing in my power. The difference between then and now was I was back in control and he had no control over me
From your posts you seem like you have also got your strength back.
Just start reinforcing what you have built up since you left, set your boundaries, and remind yourself of your worth ready for the meeting… you’ve got this!
Sending you love and support
Darcy xx

[Eggshells]

Hi KIP, You have been such a tower of strength to us all on here that I feel terrible that I have nothing to offer you in return. I can understand your concern about your reactions but if you find yourself struggling please just stop and remember that you are the woman who has given sage advice to literally hundreds of women in need. Tap into the side of you that is calm, wise and considered. Tap into the strong adult that we all see and not the frightened and vulnerable person that he is trying to raise. xx

[Eve1]

You are strong enough, no doubt. And if you don’t feel it in the meeting, use grey rock, and go easy on yourself. He’s not worthy of your emotion. I hope it’s painless for you, but you know you have all this support if you need it afterwards.

Best wishes

Eve
x

[gettingtired]

Hey Kip, are you able to apply for a screen to be put up in court so you don’t have to physically see him? Or do it via video link? X*x

[KIP.]

Thanks for all you support. It’s the kind of meeting where I have to listen to what he says and respond. It’s that bit that frightens me. Because I know he’s going to lie and try to trigger me. It’s really difficult for me to concentrate on anything when he’s on my radar. I do have support so and I’m really hoping all my feelings have gone for him. I suppose I haven’t tested myself around him and that scares me. Hopefully I will keep myself in the present and not revert to the person I was when being abused.

[Anonymous]

You are brave and strong and will get through this. You are not the same person from before as you have grown from the trauma you experienced… you can see it for what it was and see him for who he really is. Just take your time with your answers, breathe mindfully, sit upright and plant your feet firmly on the floor and this will help ground you. If it helps you can silently say to yourself… he’s lying and trying to trigger me… or whatever creates some feeling of control for you. I am not sure when this meeting is and what covid restrictions will be in place but make sure you plan something rewarding or soothing afterwards, be that connecting with others or taking that time to care for yourself.

[Watersprite]

Verbal salad I’m sure you taught me that! Stand in YOUR truth the stuff he says is salad. You are the bearer of truth the light that shines the truth x

[Catjam]

Kip, you are an amazing person who has helped me in ways I cant express these last few months. You are a beacon of hope and light for us all.
He knows your triggers and how to get under your skin but that was the old you. This new you is capable of seeing past all his whining. Lets face it, they do whine really well.
I am sending you strength and love for the weeks ahead. I’m sorry I can’t offer anything more helpful.
Take care xx

[KIP.]

Thank you again for your kind comments. It’s reminding myself that he doesn’t hold that power anymore. I’m just concerned about my emotions. His abuse affected not only me but my son and step daughter were deeply hurt by his behaviour yet blamed me. It’s just deeply sad. I just feel I’m exposing an old wound and I know he will prod it if he can. But so many women have been through so much worse and it’s for them too. The ones that didn’t get the chance to hold their abusers accountable can know I did it x

[Author]

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