Having worries and doubts

[Mermaidtears]

After years and year of emotional abuse and coercive control from my ex partner, I’ve finally took the leap to take control of my life for the sake of my daughter. For years he’s gotten his own way by making threats towards me, or reacting in an aggressive or intimidating way if I was to ever question his judgement, if I ever said no to him (usually about him swapping childcare days or giving her back early) or if I ever tried to confront him about my daughters quality of care. There’s been a recent incident because I questioned him about why he wasn’t looking after our child properly, and he ended up screaming in my face in front of out child. The outcome was that I’ve had to stop contact until I know she can go there and be safe. Of course, as always he’s blaming me for this argument, and told me that I started it, manipulating me and telling me that I need to calm down and talk to him like an “adult” whilst also telling me that he doesn’t want to get nasty with me, but I’m twisting him arm. I’ve been seeking legal advice, as well as speaking with domestic abuse charities, and I’m also due to speak with the police, but I can’t shake the feeling that people won’t take me seriously or believe me because he’s so manipulative and convincing. I have lots of evidence, like videos and texts but he convinced me before that me getting upset over name calling and shouting means I just need to “toughen up” and had often told me that I cry crocodile tears to make people feel sorry for me. All of this has led to my own insecurities about how I’ll be judged or if anyone will actually agree with him. I guess I’m looking for validation, because the whole thing is eating away at me and I just want what’s best for my daughter

[Nev@Und@Estim8]

Hi hun, do you know what? I just read the words of a lioness. You recognise abuse and you are clearly very strong even though you may not feel it. Don’t doubt yourself. I know you are driven by your daughter but don’t forget you xx

[Mermaidtears]

Thank you so much for your reply. I’ve never really opened up or spoken about this until very recently and it’s really hard to get my head around everything. Obviously as mothers we always try to put our kids first and we do forget about ourselves as well xx

[Lisa]

Hi Mermaidtears,

Thank you for your post and welcome to the forum. I hope you find the forum a safe and supportive place to be with others who understand.

If you feel like you are in need of some additional support, you could chat to a Women’s Aid worker in confidence via our Live Chat service (open every day). They won’t tell you what to do, but can discuss your situation and signpost you to other support that’s relevant for you. You can access the chat service here: https://chat.womensaid.org.uk/

Do keep posting to let us know how you’re getting on.

Best wishes,

Lisa
Forum Moderator

[Lost lady]

So sorry you are going through this 😥
It struck me reading this that my husband has always trivialised his abuse to me by saying I play the victim and when he shouts at the kids he says he’s toughening them up for the real world. Maybe a lot of abusers do this ?

I have spoken to womens aid recently , they are very good at rationalising things that do not make sense
Take care x.

[Author]

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