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This has left me confused
My husband admitted he used to sexually assault me. It was said jokingly, that he could’ve been in big trouble for how he used to behave.
It’s like that’s a closed chapter so now it should be forgotten and actually it wasn’t that bad.
He still pressures me and doesn’t except no. It’s just he has decided that one thing he did is no longer acceptable or he didn’t realise it was not right, and that is that. I was asleep but if I’m half asleep that’s ok?
It’s made me feel like that was then and now it’s normal and dismissed.
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I will be honest I dont know about the sexual bit This confuses me myself and Im in no position to answer but with him admitting his behaviour I have had this recently and it to has sent my head swimming. Does it mean that its ok to do what they do just because they admit it? My husband says he is trying to stop but that he cant help it. He wonders if he has a mental health problem but we have been together 24/7 this past week and there has been hardly any nastiness or accusations etc because I have been right where he wants me. We shall see if he changes back.
So in answer no I actually dont think that admitting what they do is for us it is for them they ser us growing stronger waking up to them and this worries them so they change tactics try something new. CB you said you were reaching out feeling more sure stronger he sees this he knows this he is playing yet another game. Dont let him win.
Keep reaching out keep taking those steps. X*x-
I think the sexual side of things really is so difficult for so many reasons, it’s complex and actually doesn’t have to be done in a nasty way so it becomes much more confusing especially if it makes things better in the relationship, that makes my head spin and I have dread your posts and understand your situation too. It’s different for each of us but there’s similarities. I was reluctant to post but sometimes opening up about our problems helps others and of course is a release for us. I mean who can you just talk to about these things?
What you say about admitting things is right, it’s not for our benefit or an apology. I’ve not had acknowledgment in a form of apology more a statement of what’s happened and that’s it. No remorse at all.
He still continues to manipulate things and when I look back at the moods and how anxious I felt around him if he wanted sex it’s now understandable why I felt this way. I honestly have been so naive.
Your absolutely right it’s us getting stronger and I think he knows that I’ve worked out what he was or is still doing isn’t normal so he’s trying to cover himself.
Xx
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Hi CB, he is gaslighting you which will leave you feeling confused… him jokingly saying that he could’ve been in big trouble for how he used to behave is gaslighting and he is continuing his behaviour… he hasn’t owned what he did and he doesn’t feel bad.. he see’s it as something he has got away with which is now in the past…for you it is something you have had to live with… all he has admitted is that he knows what he is doing and what he has done, he knows it is illegal and he has broken the Law and feels he has got away with it…
Have you spoken to anyone about what he has done?Big hugs HFH ❤️
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HFH exactly why I posted I thought it was gaslighting and just wanted some clarification.
I can’t say much on here but I’ve supported someone with exactly the same problem recently and they’re someone very close. It’s really triggered me and my emotions. It’s made me realise these things really do not just go away.
I wasn’t sure where to turn to so I have reached out to local WA and waiting to hear having been allocated a support worker.
When the only person you can talk to if the perpetrator it’s very difficult to see clearly and I’m actually frightened to face up to this side of the abuse. So it’s a big step for me.
Hugs returned CB X
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CB, it is a big step. It is very difficult when the perpetrator is the person you have to speak to. Being triggered by someone else who you are supporting must bring up all sorts of emotions/feelings .. when my husband used to gaslight me I felt slightly insane as he was changing the narrative to suit himself…very confusing time… keep trusting your gut, you thought he was gaslighting you and you were right.
Well done for reaching out, I hope you hear from your support worker soon.
HFH ❤️
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