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I find it so frustrating!!!! Why why why he always has ideas what I should do with my professional life??? Why I can’t just let be to figure out that for myself??? Last year he was convinced I should go for (detail removed by moderator). We argued. A LOT.
Then he got the idea that I should be a (removed by moderator). How many arguments we had that it is something I DO NOT WANT. The reason for that was that (removed by moderator). And most of all, for the subject he things I am good at, I could get an amazing scholarship. But I DO NOT WANT TO BE (removed by moderator). How much we argued about that.
Now he got the idea that I should study a degree in a subject, that even the name to me sounds horrible!! Something that I have no interest in at all.
There are things I want to do (or at least I think I want). But I feel so tired of these arguments, of general arguments, of constant put downs. I just dont have enough energy for studies, so my pace is quiet slow….. (nor much time with a job)
I have just been told to submit my application. If I am not gonna do that, I have a feeling an argument will follow. He was annoyed on a phone already, saying that he tells me to apply for something, and I am just looking like a dumb person.
I just want him to let me be. My parents have never told me do this and that with my life. I so so so so hate being told what to study….. Shouldn’t it be my choice, and a partner should support whatever I decide? After all it is me who is going to do all the work at uni and then in a job after….. -
It occurred to me earlier this week that my ex was stricter than my parents were with me when I was young!
It’s like I married a dictator, who treated me either like a puppet or a child, and made it very clear that neither the children nor I were up to standard. I had less freedom in my marriage than I did in my childhood!
Their control and derogatory comments spread until they try to control and put down every aspect of your life. They leave no stone unturned. Your job, your personality, your looks, your family, your interests, your concerns- all of it is either ridiculed or rubbished.
My DV worker told me that one thing that really stood out about my marriage was that I was given no choice by him. It sounds like your partner is similar.
Run for the hills. Breaking up is hard, as you’re traumatically bonded to him, but time will make you stronger and you’ll be free to do whatever you like in life- and not be his verbal punch bag.
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thank you for support.
he is very much like a dictator.
i am so tired………..
i just want some peace and quiet without someone screaming at me and trying to ‘fix’ me.
I really dont understand how my degree or job has anything to do with this relationship. WHy he can’t invest all the time he spends for thinking about my career, into thinking and doing something about his. Like getting a stable job for a start -
Anabela, I hear you loud & clear! It resonates with me this post…I feel for you with him pulling your strings…interfering like it is his business and his career. My recent ex did the same …tried to take over every aspect of my life, ..your describing coercive control…drip drip drip…bit by bit they ingrained themselves into your life & your head. It’s a extremely difficult situation…he won’t stop, he enjoys this meddling and stirring it up for you.
In my experience, I lost a great job due to the stress of him and his ways (didn’t know it was abusive at the time)..then he would switch and tell me to get more work then tell me I was lazy then tell me to do less and retire!!
Cannot win with the dominatorTrust in yourself.
Cx
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