He cut me off from everyone, and now I’m alone.

[User0000]

I left him in (detail removed by Moderator), he came back in (detail removed by Moderator), I left him (detail removed by Moderator) days later and cut him off for good in (detail removed by Moderator).
We were together (detail removed by Moderator) years and he cut me off from everyone and everything. I wasn’t allowed to work, have friends, see my family, go out, spend money, do anything.
When I left I had nothing. I finally have a job, I speak to my family on occasion, I have reconnected with 2 friends after (detail removed by Moderator) years of being alone. But it’s hard. Rebuilding yourself, re-entering society after years of isolation, rejoining the work place, recovering from trauma. It’s all so overwhelming. I still feel like he’s controlling me. Even though I got out, I have PTSD. It still feels like he has some form of control because I have to work so hard to regain all the things that I lost. I feel so alone and confused. I’m learning who I am again and it’s confusing. I lost myself when he had me, I’m trying to learn what I like and dislike, who I am, where I’m going, and I don’t have any of the answers yet. And everyday, something triggers me. Every time there’s a loud noise I have a panic attack, I’m afraid of the world and everything is terrifying. I just want to feel peace but it just doesn’t come.

[minimeerkat]

you have been so brave to get out especially with lacking so much support
i am still extremely isolated myself so know exactly how it feels – it was so frightening to get out without any form of support network at all
i also have complex-ptsd which means sadly there are many triggers. but i am having trauma counselling at the moment which helps you to understand what you went through & why
its very common for an abusive partner to isolate you to this degree because it leaves you completely dependent upon them, less likely to leave but mainly they are able to have full control of you
its great that you at least have people you have reconnected with because this is a start, especially when lacking so much confidence & finding it incredibly difficult to trust after such an experience
are you having any counselling to help with how you feel, because it isnt always easy for others to understand what you are going through. there are so many ways of accessing counselling too, even if your finances arent great
its going to take time to heal & get back to the person you truly are. its like we lose ourselves in these relationships & also end up believing all the hurtful things they have told us about who we are.
so please dont give up, keep going taking every day as it comes – knowing that you will get there
hope posting on the forum helps you knowing others are or have been in the same situation
thinking of you x

[Bananaboat]

I hear you, it’s blooming hard and I doubt everyone to the point I’m isolating myself a lot. But then, I hope you have random days where you are driving somewhere or walking down the road and you notice you’re smiling. You notice you’re happy. Those moments are huge and make it all worth it.

Ive definitely lost a lot of people through this but it’s made me realise they weren’t my people – they wouldn’t abandon me if they were. It’s also made me realise as a people pleaser do I even know who I am or what I like, crazy to feel at my age but nevertheless I’m not rushing out to find new people until I’m happier with me. Good luck, remember just because today you’re feeling low doesn’t mean tomorrow, next week, next year you will. You’ve been amazingly strong to leave and recovering from trauma is luckily something a lot of ppl don’t have to do. Do something small for yourself – buy some flowers, walk a different way – these all help our minds xx

[StrongLife]

I could have written your post.

It gets better in time. Some things go away but memories change, your opinion of them changes and you grow and change too.

[Author]

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