He has denied to police

[xpeacex]

He was arrested and charge but when questioned he denied everything. I did not think he would lie but knowing him he would.
His family have been wanting me to withdraw my statement saying to reconcile for the children and that we both love each other. I nearly withdrew statement until police told me he denied.

(detail removed by Moderator)

This is so stressful.

[KIP.]

Please don’t withdraw your statement. He doesn’t love you or he would never have hurt you. Love does not hurt us. This is your chance to hold him accountable. Maybe accountability will let him see there are consequences to his actions. It’s very typical for an abuser to lie to the police. It just shows their cowardly true nature. You know the truth. Stick to it. Keep in touch with Victim Support. They were great. I felt terrible and guilt but I did nothing wrong and I don’t regret following it through(detail removed by Moderator). Courts deal with abusers all the time and can see right through their lies. (detail removed by Moderator) Hang in there. If he wants to see his children then supervised access at a contact centre arranged by a solicitor. Ring Rights for Women x

[xpeacex]

Thanks KIP. You’ve really helped me to see I need to carry on and not withdraw statement.

The house has been much calmer and the children sleep better. They could feel the negative energy. I was so tense all the time and it was getting worse.

How long does supervised access last? I am worried because one time I tried end relationship but didn’t cos he said when he gets a job he will go for full custody.

I never want to be in his presence again.

[maddog]

My ex has lied to everyone. He lives in his own fiction & only his own ‘reality’ matters. Hold your head high & don’t let him diminish your experience.

[Ayanna]

Don’t withdraw your statement!
Stand up to him!
Abusers are often clever in hiding what they do, especially when they are n*********s.
You should not think of getting back together with him.
Plan your life without him.
He will never change. He will only become more dangerous and you will suffer more.
Free yourself! xx

[Anonymous]

My ex is the same. Except that he has denied assaulting me AND has made serious allegations about me in return. It sounds mad but I could deal with the violence, but his lies are beyond the pale. It’s so hard, but I’m trying yo carry on. We’re here for you. Keep posting.

[KIP.]

“When he gets a job he will go for full custody”. Abusers are liars. So he doesn’t have a job, has been arrested and thinks he will get custody. He will be lucky to get supervised visits if you go to court. Meantime keep a journal of everything. Abusers just make up stuff to threaten us. Zero substance. Get a free consultation with a family solicitor, most offer initial free consultations. Explain the domestic abuse. The courts take this very seriously as do the police x

[diymum@1]

If you prove his behaviour (which you’ll manage no problem from what you’ve said) he will be luck to get supervised access at a contact centre. I’d insist on indirect contact and see how that goes. If the kids cope then it may go to supervised. Tread carefully because they use contact to continue their abuse through the kids. This can be traumatic. Offer minimum contact your still being very reasonable in the courts eyes xx 💕 💕 DIY 😊

[Unsureofwhattodo]

Feel your pain. I just started the reporting procedure (detail removed by moderator) weeks ago. It takes a lot out of ya.

Proud of you for being strong enough to take legal action. It’s not an easy thing to do.

[xpeacex]

Thank you so much everyone for support.

I am freaking out abit at moment cos just been ringing different solicitors because I will have to go to court in couple of months to give evidence. But oh my gawd.. they all saying that they work with the accused and not the victim. So stressful. I can feel it in my tummy stressful butterflies, hope i don’t get ill with stress. Gosh freaking hell.

Ok so bit of rant, was emotional after ringing around and thought straightaway to post here.

So do I have to represent myself in the criminal case and the ex would have a solicitor/lawyer. What the hell.

Surely seriously cannot just be me on my own. This is so hard.

[xpeacex]

I will be able to get support for family court but for the actual criminal court does not look like it.

[Iwantmeback]

Have, of course t you dont have to do this on your own. Breathe, Have you contacted rights for women, or WA, they have their own solicitors who specialise in DA. Some women do represent themselves, I’m not sure if I could, without breaking down. Good luck with whatever you choose to do.
💕💕

[xpeacex]

Ex is a charmer and smart.
Can’t let him get away with this. No doubt he will say i was abuser which is what he used say to me. Just horrible.

I am scared to be in court my own with no representation.

[xpeacex]

I will contact rights for women and WA. Thanks for quick response Iwantmeback ha.

Taking deep breaths, need relax before anymore phone calls. It’s only just the beginning and so much to deal with.

It’s war isn’t it

[Iwantmeback]

I Had to reply, you sounded so close to the edge of panic.
It is war, we hear so much that the authorities are more aware but how can they be. I’ve noticed myself being judgemental and thinking someone’s partners not all that bad. If WE think like that,those of us who know how insidious it is,how can we ever expect others who don’t live with abuse ever begin to understand. 😔

[KIP.]

If you’re a witness/victim then please contact victim support. they were fantastic and the witness service will show you round the court before you have to go, if it gets that far. As a victim/witness in the criminal system you do not need a solicitor. You are treated just like you are another piece of evidence. There’s lots of support out there so don’t panic x

[maddog]

Victim Support is fantastic. Do you have an ISVA or IDVA to hold your hand and guide you? My experience isn’t the same as KIP’s. I believe KIP has been through the mill as have many others here. You are not alone. Support for you is out there in real life. And of course here. Please remember the Samaritans are there. I never thought I would need them again. I was wrong!

[Author]

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