Viewing 3 reply threads
  • Author
    Posts
    • #90526
      Cecile
      Participant

      Informed by him that he has a potentially life threatening illness or at least something requiring immediate medical attention. Cant say what obviously for safety reasons. I was just about to go. Everything set up. In response I blanked him, as he has done to me for (detail removed by moderator) years, then asked a question for further information and walked away. He has done this to me repeatedly, most recently when I told him I had had a mini-stroke. Looked at me impassively and turned back to read a book. (I changed the illness details already but the substance is there).He has never ever expressed an empathic response to me when I tell him of serious stuff like life threatening illness or deaths of loved ones.
      I felt pretty yuk internally as my instinct is always to comfort and express my sorrow at bad news. (I don’t know how he can do this non-empathy and blanking responses, to be hones, I feel wracked with guilt all day.) However logically I know I have to continue with my ‘escape’ but the big control thing in my head is telling me to stop, that I am being really mean to some one who is in distress. Its like he has thrown down a barrier. Also worried about the reactions of our children/his family as he will tug at their heart strings. My gut feeling is that his health concern will fizzle out but he is very adept at garnering sympathy and attention.
      Should I put things on hold to have clarity and a clear conscience?

    • #90529
      KIP.
      Participant

      Do not put things on hold. Forge forward with your plan. He is not your responsibility and if once you are free you still feel the pull to assist him then you can do so from a distance. These men often have a sense of when we are backing off and invent stuff to hook us back in. Stick to your plan and go. Mine said he had lumps on his testicles! It was dry skin. Anything to regain control. Take that leap and put yourself first. The minute he began abusing you was the minute he gave you permission to walk away and not look back x keep going x

    • #90557
      Cecile
      Participant

      thanks you so much for your response, you will never know just how much support that has given me, and clarity also.

    • #90580
      [email protected]
      Participant

      There’s never a good time to go. They often say things to emotionally black mail us. It is most likely as KIP says a tactic to hook you back. Think of yourself for once- you sound like a caring lady but you deserve so much better xxxx

Viewing 3 reply threads
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.

© 2015 Women's Aid Federation of England – Women’s Aid is a company limited by guarantee registered in England No: 3171880.

Women’s Aid is a registered charity in England No. 1054154

Terms & conditionsPrivacy & cookie policySite mapProtect yourself onlineMedia │ Jobs

EXIT SITE

Log in with your credentials

or    

Forgot your details?

Create Account