He hurt the next woman and I’m left with the guilt

[Starsindarkness]

My child’s father abused me terribly, I went to the police when I finally had the courage but the investigation died because of lack of evidence. He finally left me and my child alone because he found someone else. In the back of my head I knew I should warn her, that he would do it to her as well but I was just so relieved he was leaving me and my son alone that I didn’t do anything. I feared if I reached out to her she wouldn’t believe me and would tell him and he would come back and hurt us for trying to ruin his relationship. (detail removed by Moderator) I found out he was arrested and sentenced to (detail removed by Moderator)prison because he beat her up so badly, her poor daughter was (detail removed by Moderator) :(. I know I did what I had to do in keeping me and my child safe and I went to the police and begged them to do something. But I am stil stuck with this awful guilt, in getting out I caused another pain 🙁 at least he can’t hurt anyone else for (detail removed by Moderator)but then what, I’ll be back to always looking over my shoulder.

[KIP.]

Please don’t carry his guilt for him. When you carry the guilt it means he doesn’t have to. You know yourself how these men twist everything during the honeymoon period. She would not have listened to you. Well done for reporting him. Your statement probably made the difference to prosecute him. You also are in a much better place now if you should ever need a non molestation order. These men only come after women who don’t stand up to them. I doubt he will come near you now as he knows you will involve the police again. He is not your responsibility, his behaviour is down to the choices he makes. You didn’t cause anyone any pain. That’s all his doing.

[EbonyRaven]

Hi Starsindarkness, you did do something, you went to the police. As KIP says, she probably wouldn’t have listened, and you would have put yourself and your child in further danger.
I know what you’re feeling. My OH is currently being so charming and flirtatious to his next supply, but I know how he would treat her later if it goes further.
I have tried to tell her and she just replied that she didn’t want to be involved. I think she’s been told some nonsense about me and thinks I’m trying to cause problems. I’ve left it as just a message to be careful and look after herself.
You honestly have nothing to feel guilty about.

[Itwastimetostopit]

The responsibility for his actions is his.
Don’t feel guilty. Xxxx

[Daisy]

Stars in darkness, he is responsible and only him, it was his actions and he attacked her not you. We feel guilt because we are so critical of ourselves, some hang on effect of abuse, I think.
And really and truly, you didn’t do nothing, you reported him when it happened to you and if it didn’t proceed to orocecutiib at that time, it was still on record so you put him on that radar. When he was reported again, well two similar reports , different people, it would have spoke volumes, so you did help, as much as you could , whilst also protecting yourself and your child. X x x

[Author]

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