14th August 2019 at 8:50 pm #85663DaisydoParticipant
Hi. Not been on for a while but feel I need to ask for advice. So husband has anger issues, throwing objects & punching walls & doors. He has shouted loudly and verbally abused me, said horrible things in front of kids, etc. I had had enough & have been trying to get him to leave family home since (detail removed by moderator) but he wouldn’t go. However, a few weeks back he agreed to move to his mum’s for a couple of months. I accepted that, thinking get him out, it’s a start. However, he turned up (detail removed by moderator) threatening suicide and crying. He says he has changed, needs me, can’t go on without me, begging me to give him another chance. I was scared he would do something silly so had to let him come ba k home, the kids and family would not forgive me if he killed himself. Now he’s just crying around the house, asking me for forgiveness. He has been to go and got some meds. I feel trapped. I don’t think I want him back. He ruined what we had for me a long time ago. But he makes me feel so guilty and my heart breaks when I see the children seeing him like this. Everyone is now feeling sorry for him & I feel like the baddie. I could leave * take the kids but then he would probably be suicidal again and I’m scared about that. I believe he thinks he can be better but I think it’s too late but don’t feel like I can tell him that in the fragile state he is in. I am not sleeping with him or even comforting him when he is upset, I’ve just let him come home.
Thanks for listening
14th August 2019 at 11:02 pm #85665KIP.Participant
When you say he has anger issues. Is it just anger issues with you when the door is closed and there are no witnesses? Can he control his anger in the outside world? He is not your responsibility. Please ring an ambulance for him the very next time he threatens suicide. It’s a common tactic that abusers use. He’s trying to manipulate you. Let’s see how determined he is when an ambulance comes and threaten to section him. He’s also upsetting the children. Try to get him out again and back to his mums. It’s not fair on you or the children to have to deal with him. You are not responsible for his behaviour. Your children need stability and need you to support them.
16th August 2019 at 7:34 pm #85758leeshwaParticipant
I can’t believe how similar our stories are, the only difference is me and my partner don’t have kids together and aren’t married…
I’m going through the exact same thing, I don’t want to be with him at all, but I care about him so much, and i’m really scared he is going to hurt himself too, it’s the only reason I’ve not left him after I found him cheating online.
There not a lot I can say to help, but just know you are not alone in this, and we can be really strong, the only problem is finding the strength, but do what you need to do. Enough is enough and you and your kids deserve much better.
x x x x x
17th August 2019 at 11:47 am #85820[email protected]Participant
hi to you both – this is classic ‘the victim card’ so its the classic card they use. i believed this for 20 years was only there through obligation. i was so desperate when he didnt take his depression meds id put them in his hot drinks. they didnt work because he didnt have a mental illness. if you think about it putting that pressure on your partner ie commiting suicide is very selfish off him – a good descent person would not put you through this xxxx
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