- This topic has 6 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 1 year, 7 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
-
After being financially controlled for years he locked me out of our jointly owned home. I had to find myself somewhere to live at age (detail removed by Moderator). I have spent money on legal fees (detail removed by Moderator). My ex obviously still working and earning a huge amount and I can’t work due to stress and anxiety. He is trying to financially cripple me, I’m not sure I can take any more of this.
-
Hi escape2021,
He cannot legally do this so the law is on your side here. I know how awful these situations are and how the whole process consumes every minute of your waking hour and invades your dreams too, but there is a way through this. Your age will get redacted by the moderators soon, but no matter how young or old we are we deserve to be living abuse free, and the fact that you now have somewhere else to live is the start of that new life for you, you still have many years ahead to have a life of peace and enjoyment.
Financial/economical abuse is very common, especially post separation as abusers want to destroy any chance of us being happy without them. Many will rather destroy themselves too if it means destroying us.
Are you trying to get through this by yourself and solicitors, or have you reached out to other support agencies for professional advice and help? If the stress of this situation is making you unable to work then get a note from your doctor that you are unable to work. You can then claim sickness benefit, or if you have a paid job already you will be able to have some time off work, perhaps on full pay for a few months. If you are working it may be worth speaking to your employer about your situation and seeing what support they can offer, some employers offer compassionate leave for legal appointments.
Domestic Abuse is rife, however, many ladies still feel embarrassed and ashamed believing that they must be to blame for this happening to them so they don’t want to tell anyone. The reality is, if you do tell people and ask for help then help is often there. In my case, the main help came from ordinary people who wanted to help me and they are the ones who got me through it when the agencies let me down.
It is also helpful for us to remember that even in this nightmare there are moments of positivity and we have to acknowledge these and be thankful. If you have been financially controlled for years you would have had other elements of abuse too, perhaps not being allowed out or to socialise with people, constantly being insulted and disrespected. If you are away from him now and in your own accommodation you have freedom that you never previously had. I understand that money is very tight for you now but there are voluntary groups available in many churches or community halls that offer free coffee mornings for people to encourage social inclusion in communities. Have a look online at your local places for things like this and use these opportunities to meet new people and form new friendships.
Local DA support groups often have a weekly drop-in session somewhere for advice and help, these are free too.
Libraries have different things on offer throughout the day and you can always go online there for free and do some research or take out some books on DA to read up on it and increase your knowledge to empower yourself.
Read through other posts on here, there’s hours of reading on here where you can find similar situations to your own and read the responses and advice given to others and pick out things that you would find beneficial to you. Keep engaged with this forum and you will find a support group here that can help you through this.
xx
-
Hello, I wanted to share that my local Citizens advice Bureau helped me.. I am approaching golden oldies years (but am now nearly free, mine still financially abuses)… you can email CAB… if you do not have support then please do ask for it, there’s help out there.as what your husband is doing is illegal
❤
-
Have you looked into getting an occupation order? Locking you out of your home may be grounds for getting granted one. Then he’ll have to move out and you can move back in.
I suspect all of our exes have tried to ruin us financially and emotionally. They want to punish us as much as they can. They’re vicious.
Some solicitors will help you with a payment plan.
-
i am new and do not really know what to say,i think i am also being financially manipulated. he is not here at the moment and has not been here for some weeks, due back on (detail removed by Moderator). this has given me time to see things properly. he has my bank card and controls the money. i am home alone with no access to any money. he has taken the car with him and as we live in a rural area i am unable to get anywhere. he has always accessed my money, he gets into a rage and shouts and calls me names if i want to re-arrange things so i can access it. i have not worked for a long time as he says it is not worth my while doing so. i am isolated and dependant. i also received a threatening email from a debt service about repaying a credit card in my name, i did not know i had a credit card, i did not take this out. the financial situation has been going on for years but i cannot take any more of this. emotional and financial situation. the only thing is i am trapped, i have no income, nowhere to go and if i leave i will lose my family, my parents will take his side and be very angry with me if i abandon him. i have no support because no body will believe me. should i wait until he gets back and try to sort things out with him? should i go to the GP, who incidentally already thinks i am being abused – although i denied it – once this step has been taken there will be no going back? i will have failed and lost. he will fall apart if i leave, he is emotionally dependant on me. both of us ruined. what to do?
-
Oh lovely how awful. Contact your bank, they are trained in dealing with domestic abuse. They can cancel your cards and if he’s taken credit out in your name without your consent, then he’s committed fraud. Do not wait until he’s back as he’ll just deny & twist it all, he knows he’s left you with no access to money while he’s away but has he worried about how you’ll buy groceries or if there’s an emergency?! No. If your GP is already reaching out then let them in, woman’s aid will also be a great help to you. Stay safe x
-
-
Hi Crazypetsleeping
Welcome to the forum.
It might be worth copying and pasting your post into a new thread of your own. More people will spot it.
Yes, start with your GP and your local Domestic Abuse charity. You can search for yours using the WA directory https://www.womensaid.org.uk/womens-aid-directory/
Do your parents know what he is doing? If they know and are still supportive of him or don’t believe you then it might be worth starting to re-frame your relationship with them. Some counselling might help you to come to terms with the dynamics of your relationship with them.
Take some time to adjust to your understanding that you are in an abusive relationship. Lundy Bancrofts book “Why does he do that?” and Pat Craven’s “Living with the Dominator” might help. I found “Living with the Dominator” was most accessible and most useful when initially coming to terms with my realisation that I was being abused.
As for the credit card, I wonder if you feel confident enough to report it as fraud to the credit card company? You can plead innocence with your partner. Tell him that you thought you’d been scammed. As your partner clearly never told you he’d taken a card out in your name, it’s a fair assumption that you’ve been scammed.
-
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
