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This is the (detail removed by moderator) Christmas since I left. It’s all just too much at the moment. We have 50/50 access to the kids. Usually he leaves them up on Saturday evening and I have them all day Sunday. (date removed by moderator) he was picking them up and I said if he wanted to be could keep them on sat night and then bring them over on Xmas Eve at lunch time so he could see them on Xmas Eve. He refused and then said but of course I will see them on Christmas eve you aren’t going to keep my children away from him on Christmas eve ( I had offered that he could have them on Xmas day as his mum is dying but he wouldn’t) I’m worried now that he’s going to be here everyday over the holidays and I have anxiety which is triggered by him being in the same room. He is also having Christmas on his own even though his parents live near by (and his mum is dying). I think he is going to come on Christmas morning and look all sad and hard done by and someone in my family is going to feel sorry for him and ask him to stay-at-home which just won’t do. I feel sorry for him as much as he has hurt me I wouldn’t want anyone to have Christmas on their own. This is all so stressful!
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He is not your responsibility. Do not feel sorry for him. This is how abusers use our emotions against us. He is manipulating you. This is why no contact is so very very important. Stick to your original plan. Don’t allow him back in your life or you will just give him another weapon to use against you. He has shown he is not interested in his children or he would take the offer and go to his parents. What he is doing is using the children to further abuse and confuse and manipulate you. Don’t allow him.
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My bf disappeared. We were planning Xmas and NY together, with or without his kids. I was totally flexible and didn’t go to see my family (I am not from England) so we could be together. He disappeared (detail removed by moderator) , and after that he texted that our relationship was over because he cannot give me what I need and deserve. So here I am, alone, with my young son, away from my family in a foreign country. During this time, as Kip knows (as they have responded to my previous posts) I have seriously attempted to take my life at least (detail removed by moderator) times in a row, unsuccessfully. Called samaritans and GP and joined here, upon failure. (detail removed by moderator) So here is what I have done, in my full despair. One of my friend is also from abroad, and her partner too, and they are poor so they could not travel home. So she mentioned staying together. Knowing that most people celebrate on the 25th I thought most people may be free the 24th…so we tam tamed it. I called upon all my neighbours, some of whom have kids. There is one other single mom who I have only met 1 time; but she lives with her son and next door to her 80 y old mother, who I never met. I invited them too. I thought: how nice would it be, in a sad Xmas, to make a 80 y old lady happy? My best friend broke her foot. I thought: she has been nice to me, not judging that I tried to take my life, how about she can be near me in a night that is going to be so hard for me? So she also came…and eventually over 15 people were in the house from very young age to the very old lady. I cooked for 15 people, e first courses and then seconds of fish because that is what is eaten the day before a festivity. I spent a lot of saving buying fish for everyone but I couldn’t care less of money at a point in which I wanted my heart to stop beating. I also decided that everyone should have a small present; I wrapped up about 20 presents… And so I had 15 people, many of whom did not know each other, eating, drinking, playing games, guitar and dancing, opening presents and giving each other some happiness and that consoled me a great deal. I went through a lot, a lot of cruelty, that pained me to the point that I just wanted my heart to stop beating. And to discover that some people have kindness and humanity was just a great consolation. Maybe your ex doesn’t want to manipulate, but there are options, there are alternatives, and even someone like me, at my stage of despair, can see that.
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