He is saying he wants to live 2 mins up the road

[I want to break free]

Hello its been ages since I have been on here. Life has really moved on for me in lots of really positive ways however I am still not divorced – might be 105 by the time I am finally free.
Recently he has indicated he might want to move VERY close to where I currently live. Is there anything I can do to stop him? There has been a Non Mol which ran out some time ago. There has been harassment, all low level but reported to the police.
Its unworkable for him to live so close. I would have to move. it would not be safe.
Any thoughts /advice ???

Many thanks in advance.

[SunshineRainflower]

Hi there,

I am not sure to be honest but I think asking the police on 101 could help, if he is known to them as a result of domestic abuse and harassment then they might have some power to prevent it because it could technically fall under the stalking/harassment part of the law. I would also ring the helpline and your local domestic abuse service to ask them about it as I expect they will have encountered it before and will no doubt have good advice about your options. Just to confirm, are you still in contact with him due to children? It is best to go full no contact with these types of people and do everything through a third party as otherwise it just gives them a door to harass and abuse us further. If he is contacting you and trying to move nearer then it suggests he has not given up and is trying to increase contact between you.

[KIP.]

You could ring Rights for Women who offer free legal advice. meantime do not believe a word he says. He knows this will upset you and that’s his goal. I asked my ex to stay away from me via a solicitor and he employed a solicitor, spent thousands of pounds and threatened to take me to court. So I’m not sure if you would actually provoke him by engaging? You know him best but my ex was a pathological liar.

[Surviving]

I had to move out of our family home with the kids because he refused to. Once I moved he put the house for sale and moved anyway. So I moved back to that area knowing he had gone as the kids wanted to move back to the area. (detail removed by Moderator) later he moved back to the area renting the house we sold. It’s a nightmare

[I want to break free]

Thank you for your advice and comments everyone. I am going to ring the helpline and see what they say. To be honest KIP I am thinking about not reacting as I am wondering if to react will make him worse.
I am looking for options to move away too but I dont see why he should force me to move out of the area. I have finally build up good support networks here and it would be a shame for my child to have to change schools. However I also need to get some geographical distance from him. If I move a way it will be once and forever somewhere where he cannot follow as he has a local job.Also I have been told I would not have to disclose a new address.
Thank you Sunshine Rain Flower – I have very little contact with him except through the solicitor and at handover of our child for visiting . I have stopped speaking at Handover recently which I know has made him angry. He used to talk to me as if we were still together. Now I make it clear that he is nothing to me. I always take a third party with me to handover. I had not considered asking someone else to do it. That could be an option. I was told by the police that I have enough to get an anti harassment injunction but i was trying to “keep the peace” so I had not pursued it. I am now thinking I might, but I am balancing it against the idea of ignoring it entirely. I can’t quite work out which option is best at the moment.
KIP he is a pathetical lier but he also seems to have blurry fantasy /reality lines. He scares me because his thinking is quite unhinged. I would not feel safe if he did actually cary out his threat and live very close. I would have no option but to move.

[Ayanna]

Is there anywhere he cannot move but you can, considering his work situation?

[fridges]

Hello,
From what I found out – if you do not feel safe around someone, you can tell them – I do not want to have any contact. They must stop. If they do not stop – you gather evidence, or call police if this person will approach you.
But also important not to engage in any discussion with this person, or argument. No contact – then no contact.
After – when you announced you do not want to deal with this person, if he keep bothering you – it becomes harassment and stalking.
Of course I’m not fully sure. But this is the road I mapped for me – to get rid of my second abuser.

[fridges]

In one book I read that if you have children – you can provide one way of contact – the best way it will be the middle person, all passed through the third party. It is much safer.

[lover of no contact]

Yes I agree with you do not let him know this will bother you as he will most definitely do it. Act as if you don’t care. Let him go to all the trouble of finding a house and relocating . You can’t stop him. Do not engage with him at all. He wants to be in your head. If he does move then you can reconsider your options.

Ignoring them completely and their threats or proposed actions, is a strategy too.

[lover of no contact]

And its a strategy the abusers don’t like.

[I want to break free]

Thanks Lover of no contact. That is helpful. Not let is show but have plan B ready if he follows through. I probably need to do some work about reducing contact at handover too which will pave the way for an order if I need to. we only communicate though email but he tries to engage me in conversation at handovers. getting someone else to do it might be a good plan

Many thanks everyone. I think my statergy is clearer in my head now !

[Author]

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