He is threatening me!

[Daisydo]

(Detail removed by moderator)  I found out about a history of sexual abuse within my immediate family. It turned my world upside down. At this time, I turned to my husband for support. A FEW days after this, he started having a moan about our relationship, usual stuff of how distant I am & unloving and I stood in silence, not believing he could be so selfish after what I had just found out. That was the start of me deciding enough was enough! We have had horrible outburst from him since then, in front of the children. He knows I want him to leave me a use it’s not practical for me to do so with the 4 children, but he is going no where.
Now he has threatened to tell everybody about the sexual abuse within my family! Because of having to deal with him first, I havnt got my head round yet what I was told. It will effect alot of people, particularly the victim as she wants to keep it quiet.
I’m now scared to see if I can get an occupation order against him, I don’t think I have enough evidence anyway. I’ve never involved the police, just kept a journal, got a few photos of damage to the home due to outbursts. I did see my go who referred me to a councillor within the surgery.
I’ve got a free half hour consultation with a solicitor today but his threat has scared me
His mum keeps ring g him & he goes out of car shot when they speak, I fear they are planning something.
Don’t know what to do@

[maddog]

What a shocking revelation. We carry the can for our nearest and dearest at our own detriment. Whatever someone else has done is in no way anything to do with you. Your husband is trying to make it seem as though it is somehow your fault, which, let’s face it is ridiculous.

Abusers do not score highly when it comes to sex and intimacy so it is likely that your husband wants to snort off about his own behaviour by blaming someone else.

Please speak to the domestic abuse team at the police. You should not be living in fear. It is horrid to be in the grip of terror. Well done for posting here.

What has happened and what you have learned is absolutely not your fault. It is a big pill to swallow.

The police domestic abuse team can help you with this and help you find the most suitable agencies to support you and your children in the longer term.

[KIP.]

This is exactly what abusers do. I recently found an old email from my ex full of threats of telling my best friends partner that she had been unfaithful. When he threatened me to my face I told him her address and he quickly backed down. Abusers will do anything and threaten anything to regain control. It’s your word against his if he dares to tell anyone he will look like the insane person and all you have to do is deny it. This kind of threatening behaviour is what you need to document for your non molestation order. Go and see a good solicitor and ring Rights for Women for free legal advice. He will be bad mouthing you to anyone who will listen trying to discredit you for when the truth of his behaviour does come out. Don’t be intimidated by his threats, that’s what they’re designed for. To get you to back down and allow him the control back. Keep documenting his behaviour and saving any evidence you can. Next came the financial control when he cancelled all direct debits and expected me to pay half the bills from my meagre benefits income. Get support from your local women’s aid. They will help support you. He’s trying to scare you into submission. Stay strong. Tell your family of his threats and tell him you’ve told them. He will back down and either deny it or say he didn’t mean it.

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