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(detail removed by moderaor) he’s just been on the phone screaming at a family member the way he screams at me.
What does it mean when he’s just horrible to anyone who disagrees with him?
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I’m now crying in another room as I know what I’ve just witnessed is what I will get when I leave. And I’m scared. I Will leave though. The stress is destroying my health.
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Have you planned your leaving yet? It’s horrible where I am too. Is he going away? If so, you can get out then.
If he’s prepared to lose it with anyone, it may be that there is something actually wrong with him. If he’s only horrible to you and choses where and when to be horrible to you, it’s his choice.We will get there. It’s difficult and so many people don’t understand just how hard it is. Is your gp any good? I have been given all sorts of things to hopefully stop my heart and my head exploding!
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I’ve got every practical aspect sorted. Where I’d live, money, etc. All I’m waiting for is the “right time” which doesn’t really exist but I’m hoping to do it when he goes on thus trip.
He does have a diagnosed condition which I think is where his anger comes from but he is controlling, selfish and manipulating. He says absolutely horrible things to me and he gets most angry when he doesn’t get his own way.
There are many other people I know who have the same condition as he does but are not like him.
The anger is always simmering under the surface.
I’ve not been to my GP as when I’m not near him I’m calm. I feel free and not at all stressed. I have excellent support from here, family and friends. So I don’t need my GP just yet but if this keeps on I will.
We will both get out. I know that.
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It probably means that he is also abusive to at least some of his family members. I am pretty sure my ex was abusive to his sisters and mother. The people he knew were unlikely to walk away basically. His whole family was pretty disfunctional but I didn’t pick up on how he was treating his family until I spent some time with his mother on my own. She was like a different person without him present. I didn’t pick up on it for years as he always spoke his mother tongue on the phone with them and when it sounded like he was angry he told me I was oversensitive and misreading his tone. If he isn’t planning his trip then you may have to find another way to leave. Definitely sounds like his behaviour is escalating. And go no contact immediately upon leaving. Don’t give him the opening to yell at you. You don’t need or deserve that. Change your number straight away if needs be. I cancelled my phone contract and got a new one with a new contract as he helped me set up the original contact and I was paranoid that he would somehow be able to track me through it – nuts of course, but changing it made me feel better. But when I phoned the company I had the original contract with they were great about cancelling without being pushy because I said I changed it due to domestic abuse and she told me that they can help change your number while staying in the same contract, which is good to know I think. Good luck.
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Tiffany, his family are so dysfunctional! I’ve met some of them once. Problem is, they are all the same. It’s a family of “he who shouts loudest wins”. He complains about them but the traits he complains about he has himself. They are all self centred and all about status.
He will go on this trip soon and I will leave when he does. I needed a few more days to process recent events.
Your situation mirrors mine so much Tiffany. It makes me feel it’s not in my head when you say something which matches my situation. I feel like I’m right and he is abusive.
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That’s good advice Tiffany.
We have to sell the house and I am going to move before that. My husband wants to get some decoration done, which is a good reason to put things in storage. I need to find somewhere to rent which will accept a host of dogs. I can’t leave them. My husband thinks we are all staying together till the house is sold.T**t. He doesn’t work (he’s retired) and rarely leaves the house. He has no friends to speak of. Now I understand why. He hates everyone apart from one or two people he sees as ‘successful’ and like him. I really think he hates women. He is being treated for depression. He has been a misery guts forever since I have known him and I was advised by his first family of his sulks. I discussed his behaviour with the police in relation to depression. They suggested PTSD. I said his behaviour preceded his job. -
Maddog, I have a couple of fur babies who need to come with me. I sorted out the accommodation bit first to be sure they would DEFINITELY come with me. I’ve had them for (detail removed by moderator) years. I will not abandon them now. That sounds so silly but its true.
I can totally relate to the “he has no friends” and “he hates everyone” part of your post. My partner is the same. I also think my partner has issues with women. I really think he sees them as lesser beings.
If I were you I would stop trying to give this behaviour a “diagnosis”. My fella has a diagnosis but his behaviour continues and he does nothing about it. The more I try and excuse or explain away my partners behaviour, the deeper into the abuse I feel I go. I’ve stopped making excuses for him now and I realise that his behaviour is just unacceptable. There are things which have been said which are clearly not because of an illness and just blatant abuse. Plus he threatened to harm me, so that pretty much was the final nail in the coffin.
I really hope you get your freedom soon Maddog.
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I think I’m going to get a caravan and move into that with everyone. My appt with WA was again cancelled today. I am sooooo annoyed. This is the second time. I asked, who do I speak to? Who is there? My IDVA joins the dots with the authorities. She’s told me to look at private renting. I have been looking at that now for more than a month. Zilch. I have been looking at furnished accommodation, temporary accommodation, holiday accommodation, unfurnished accommodation. On and on and on. Nothing. I am so fed-up. It is as though the lights are on but there’s nobody in. I do not know where to turn any more. I have been passed from pillar to post and nothing.
When is a crime not a crime? When it’s coercive control. -
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mine is horrible to most of his family including his children, we watched the film split last night this morning he said he could identify with the main character who had numerous personalities one being the beast which he said he had but could keep under control this worries me.my emotional health is also suffering i feel like i’m being ripped apart from the inside most of time but have to smile and say everything is ok on a daily basis when really i want to shout it’s not, like most women here i know what i should do but putting it into action is harder than i thought.i sympathise with you so much
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I finally found a little strength to walk away from my marriage with my husband, almost (detail removed by moderator) ago. I have to say that something changed within me during this point, even though I had become numb, broken down and weakened from his constant up and down moods, blames, twisting of the truth from disagreements and his lack of empathy towards me and my feelings. On his good days, were the days I didn’t receive his abuse, when he knew he had pushed his behaviours too far. What I understand from his behaviours is how he had been aware of what he had done, otherwise why would he act nice towards me. It’s a shame is awareness was limited because it was not enough for him to stop repeating the cycle.
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Still waters, I have seen the film Split myself and find what your partner said quite unnerving. The Beast was a vicious character with no anger control. I feel for you. I’ve started talking to anyone who will listen about my situation. I’ve found it helpful. Feel free to private message me if you want to talk. I’ve found the people on here understand more than anyone. This is a place where you do not have to be ok or fake a smile.
Hopeinhelpingmyelf. I’m glad you got out. My partner is the same. He’s aware of what he is doing so becomes Mr Nice Guy for around 3 weeks. Then we are back to the beginning of the cycle again. Sometimes he doesn’t have to say a word. He can just create a horrible atmosphere in the house. I’m glad I’m not married to him or have kids. I would find leaving a million times harder.
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