This topic contains 2 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  KIP. 2 weeks, 3 days ago.

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  • #97540
     Done-with-this 
    Participant

    One of the trigger points for our difficulties was that he had a fling with someone a couple of years ago – he said he doesn’t think they actually had sex but admits he can’t be sure as he was drunk. He said he was devastated by it. Looking back I wish I’d have gone then, but I stayed. Recently though he’s been bringing it up again. Each time I’ve done something he doesn’t like (stay out too long, wear a top he thinks is too revealing etc)(detail removed by moderator). I don’t get why he brings it up – surely he should be the one not wanting to dredge it all up again. Last time he did (detail removed by moderator) he was really vulgar as well in what he said! Also he said originally that they didn’t have sex but he keeps saying he will go and s**g her AGAIN. (detail removed by moderator) and when I got back he was angry as I was late apparently and he said he’d been messaging her – don’t think he had but why does he say it?
    On the one occasion I bought it up I got told to stop holding it against him and move on.
    Now I just think he’s thinking about her whenever we have sex.

  • #97544
     freedomfries01 
    Participant

    He’s doing it to torment you. He wants you not to look nice and do things without him so he’s deliberately bringing up something which makes you feel inadequate. He’s also a liar, he knows what he did. It’s just another tool he uses to make you feel bad. Take care sweetness 💖

  • #97551
     KIP. 
    Participant

    Google triangulation in domestic abuse. He’s using this to make you feel insecure and as a means of controlling you. Abusers are liars. How dare he cheat on you, pretend he’s not sure if he had sex then rub your nose in it. My ex did the same, turned it round on me. He’s expecting you to run after him as it’s a veiled threat that if you don’t do what he wants he will hurt you again with infidelity. Such a cruel thing to do to anyone let alone someone you’re supposed to love. Abuse always gets worse and he’s showing you his true nature. Believe him. Time to make a safe exit plan x

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