He made contact

[Couldnttakenomore]

I’ve been in refuge for (detail removed by moderator) after I fled my very violent partner. He hi cut all ties new number, no social media but he’s emailed me (detail removed by moderator). Saying (detail removed by moderator). I miss him so much but I deleted and never replied. I have been reading up on.trauma bonding which has helped. Am not strong enough if I go back he will kill me. He made a noose for me last time I saw him!! Why do I want him.so badly still?

[KIP.]

Hi, he’s brainwashed and programmed you to feel this way. Itwill pass but it takes time and no contact. As human beings we crave what is normal to us even if those things are violence and dysfunction. What helped me tremendously was educating myself on the dynamics of abuse. It might lessen the pain a little. Google cognitive dissonance, oxytocin in domestic abuse. Gaslighting. N**********c behaviour. Eventually your head will override your heart. Just remember over 2 women a week are killed by their partners or ex partners in this country. Trust your gut. The pain will pass x

[Lisa]

Hi Couldnttakenomore

Firstly well done for reading the email then deleting it, that shows the strength that you have, maybe consider blocking his email address as well in case he sends you more. Also its normal to be missing him and wanting him back, this man has been the centre of your universe for probably a long time so to suddenly be without him is a shock to the system. Like KIP said read up on as much as you feel able to, look up trauma bonding and these are some books that are really good at explaining what you have been through.

Living with the dominator by Pat Craven
Why does he do that by Lundy Bancroft
Coercive Control by Evan Stark

Take each day as it comes and we are here on this forum to support you.

Take care and keep posting

Lisa

[Author]

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