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I was in a relationship with my boyfriend for(detail removed by Moderator)until it ended because of his behaviour towards me. He blocked all contact with me in the beginning but I took the break up bad and kept trying to find ways to speak to him. I don’t know why, I guess there was still love there. He eventually spoke to me and agreed to meet up with me to talk about things. He told me had changed and that he has learnt not to take his anger out on me and he won’t ever treat me how he did. After a lot of thought I believed him and we got back together.
The other day I arranged to go out with a friend that I’ve known since school, but had a very Up and down relationship with. My boyfriend didn’t like that I was meeting up with this person, he said (detail removed by Moderator) He started to become intensely paranoid, spamming my phone and even messaging my friend. He asked my friend if they had a girlfriend and said that if he made a move on me he would “flip.” He was being very unnecessarily abusive to my friend and all the messages he was sending made me wish I hadn’t even went out. He had been sending me messages saying (detail removed by Moderator) over and over againz When I got home I told him that his behaviour was out of order and he apologised and wanted it to leave it there. But I couldn’t. In the morning I told him again that the way he acted was wrong and he started having a go at me for (detail removed by Moderator) and saying (detail removed by Moderator) I just need some advice on this whole situation and what I should do -
My husband is the same. In their heads it’s “resolved” by just forgetting about it. If you don’t feel it’s resolved, it isn’t. Try to move on. He sounds really controlling and he won’t even admit it. He says he learned not to take his anger out on you but how exactly did he learn that? My husband said the same thing but I said the only way to prove that is intense counselling for him alone from someone who specializes in abuse. He hasn’t even tried that. If he’s acting like this so early in the relationship, he won’t change especially if you just forgive him. He just doesn’t sound remorseful at all.
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I echo Grenache, how did he learn to change his behaviour? An intensive therapy course? A change programme or just because he thought about it?
These people are incapable of change, many of them even after attending the courses available to them.
It’s great that you recognise his behaviour, now you just need to know that he will not change.
Read up as much as you can, from here, the many many free samples on Amazon, the Lundy Bancroft and Pat Craven books and you will understand his behaviour better.
In the meantime if you are able to get away and break all contact, do so immediately. He’ll play the nice guy for a while to reel you back in then drop you.
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