He says he’s still angry at me

[Tryingtomoveonsafe]

So after weeks of no contact, the blocking unblocking game, (detail removed by moderator) he spoke to me, quite amicable and spoke for a while on the phone! So he said he’s so angry at me still, asked me why I caused this massive row that we broke up over, I tried to explain all the reasons and it was like I was talking to a wall, he said that (detail removed by moderator), he asked why I accused him throughout the relationship and basically he was innocent to anything, shifted the blame on me, I asked him how he actually felt about me and he just said angry, said he (detail removed by moderator), I was crying pretty much all the call, trying to explain what triggers me and my past etc and like I said nothing but I caused so much problems in the relationship and I should of just trusted him, when he was saying it to me, I was actually again doubting and justifying the things he’s done to me, I came off the phone pretty upset and had a terrible sleep! Then today ignored! I’m back to the beginning again now 😩😩😩

[Anonymous]

That’s exactly what he wants the reaction you gave him , he wants to pass all the blame onto you , take no responsibility for his actions and make out your the problem so he doesn’t have to do anything about his behaviour as the problem is you , blame shifting and projection . I personally wouldn’t interact at all with your ex , block him everywhere you can as you said in your last comment you were back to square one , see how miserable he has made you ? Also questioning yourself? Now the silent treatment to punish you so you begin to think it is you the problem. Trust me it’s not you it’s them , these are all tactics they use to gain power & control , believe in yourself and read up on abuse tactics and n**********c behaviour these go hand in hand . If you do need to talk to your ex for any reason look up grey rocking , keep it very minimal with no emotion. Stay strong & believe in yourself, it’s not you x*x

[Twisted Sister]

Hi Tryingtomoveonsafe

One thing really jumped out at me in all of what you said, ‘like talking to a wall’, and then I would add to that, but a wall won’t blame, accuse, deny and cause you all this awful distress and heartbreak.

I would recommend wall talking, you can speak freely, let everything out without interruption, or threats of harm, nothing. It won’t destroy your sleep, but remain silent and let you get everything off your chest. On the whole a lot more beneficial and less toxic that talking to him has ever been.

I have done it time and again, tried to explain, justify, answer the accusations, understand, listen, take blame, get tied in knots and worry about him, try to do better, understand why i’d been wrong, but it never got better, all it did was break me down more and more. I was never going to understand what was going on, and that was exactly the point, no closure, no answers, no understanding. thats the point.

I am so sorry you have been through this horrible cycle again, its exhausting, draining, and leaves you feeling so hopeless. I actually think that feeling is the way out, the feeling hopeless, its true, there’s no hope left, no hope for a relationship with him I mean. You are far from alone in this, its recognied by anyone whos been through abusive relationships and I hope it does help some to have recognised it and come here to write it down, to have your frustrations and upsets heard, where otherwise they wouldn’t be, by him?

warmest wishes

ts

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