Viewing 18 reply threads
  • Author
    • #14663

      He text me, telling me he was really sorry. He said he was going to get help, it’ll never happen again. Would I pleace drop the charges and go home he misses me. I didn’t reply, but it’s really shaken me, I didn’t know what to do. I thought he might have been genuine. But when I didn’t respond he phoned! He’d clearly been drinking. Told me I was an f*****g b***h, I need to get home now! What did I think I was doing reporting him. I’m stupid and it had all been my fault I’d asked for it. Which I guess he is right I did ask for it, if I hadn’t asked him to let me go away alone! But he says he knows I’m at my parents house and he’s coming to fetch me home now. I don’t think he will he’d had alot to drink so can’t drive.
      But it’s really shaken me up. I am so scared, maybe I should just go home.

    • #14664
      Falling Skys

      Hi Prisoner

      Hugs of course your scared but you have no home with him. Call the police if he turns up. Don’t respond to anything he sends you but keep them as evidence.

      The longer your away from him the stronger you will get.

      You did the right thing reporting him, I wish I had the strength to.

      Good luck.

      FS xx

    • #14665

      Prisoner – firstly – you have done the right thing – a million percent.
      I would change my mobile number and or block
      Him so he can’t contact you!
      Please call the person that came out from the refuge and ask them to find you somewhere where you will be safe!
      You don’t deserve any of this and you have done the hardest thing by getting out!
      Massive, gentle hugs x

    • #14667

      You need to ring the police and tell them that he broke the bail conditions by contacting you!!!

      Do not even think of going back!
      What he says is what everyone says. Trust me, all these abusers could be brothers. They all say the same. Never believe him, stay zero contact and tell the police.
      Big hugs! x*x

    • #14670

      Report him to the police for breaking the bail condition, don’t answer his call.
      Don’t go back to him, please..
      It is hard but you need to be strong, you took big step, don’t look back.

    • #14677

      I only just read what has happened to to you today, don’t go back he is very dangerous. I would call the police and say he has contacted you.
      He isnt sorry just trying to get you back and to worse, please stay away and report every time he contacts you.
      You have been through so much and I can relate to how bad it was at the hospital with not going out much, you have been very brave, see this through now.
      Block him on your phone then you won’t have to read or listen to his threats, I would contact the local police by your parents and inform them of his threats. Sending you a big hug for all you have gone through xx

    • #14688

      He should know better than to breach his bail, he’s (detail removed by Moderator). I just can’t help but think he is right I brought this on myself. I am now so scared he’s on his way here. I know I sound pathetic (detail removed by Moderator). My parents are phoning the police I don’t have the energy, I can’t face talking to them again

    • #14691

      I am so glad your parents call the police. They will deal with him. He thinks he is above the law. He will learn better.
      Stay strong. You are doing so well. Do not give in. Show him how strong you are. It will pay off for you. x*x

    • #14695

      And anyway, his behavior now is a typical behavior pattern, what abusers do after they are set on bail. He is very predictable. Fight your cause. x*x

    • #14696

      Ayanna I wish I had just a little bit of your strength! You come across as such a strong lady, I just feel so weak and pathetic

    • #14697

      I’m afraid some of these people in (detail removed by Moderator) think they are above the law and can bully who they like.

      You have a choice whether or not to be in vintage t either him. He can’t force it. He isn’t God. X

    • #14703

      Hun, I am not stronger than you. You can do this. I cannot even walk properly on some days because I have a disability.
      It is all in your mind.
      I still break down.
      But he never knew of that. I stood up to him and broke down afterwards. He only saw a woman who wanted justice.
      You can stand up to him. You really can. x*x

    • #14707

      After life with abuser no one feel strong, we all feel weak, desperate, depress, emotionally unstable. I still cry every single day, but time will heal us. One day you will find your self again and stronger than ever. But at the moment one day at the time. Try to think about your self, don’t let him abuse you anymore, Physically and mentally. if you go back to him, will you ever trust him? Please get help as much as you can call WA anytime you want to chat and keep posting so you will get mentally support and you will be stronger. I feel the different after I found this forum, I feel stronger each day even some times I still broke down, but I can pick up my self easier remember all this lovely people in this forum.
      Hugs and kisses

    • #14721

      HI HUn

      No doubt this has totally drained you out, do not make the mistake of going back to him , his tempoary sweet words that he misses you and is sorry are all lies as he has clearly proven by making those comments to u. I know it might be hard for you to beleive but some of us have already been through this stage you are now, these abusers all follow the same traits, lines and games so we can prob already see what u cant yet. We’ve been at that stage where we are ripped apart, we never wanted them to do this, again you say its my fault cause i asked if i could go away alone, hun a normal guy would not flip out the way your partner did, not saying its just your partner, my ex kept me isolated good and proper, he bear me up just for me wanting to go to my sister wedding. I would highly recommend you stay with your parents for a while, dont beleive his threats his coming to get you and is on his way, even if he turn up worst scenario, u think your parents and thte nurses wouldnt call the police, infact warn the nurses yourself if he turns up police are to be called and he is not to be shown your room or any details disclosed. You have nothing to feel bad about, this really is your escape route, dont go back to him, he will really give u a beating again and a lot worser, this is the way they work. well done for telling your parents his threating u and im glad they called the police, this is how these abusers learn when the law gets involved, post mas much as u need to and we will support u. block his no on your phone or ask your some one to do it for u if u cant do it

    • #14727

      Hi Prisoner

      please Definitely do not go back home. he’s even more dangerous now he’s been found out.

      the last thing anyone wants is for him to kill you in a drunken rage attack.

      this isn’t your fault. he chose to beat and rape you. a normal man would 1 let you go where you please. 2 not try to control you and 3 learn to walk away and control his anger.

      Give your phone to your parents so he can’t communicate to manipulate you and get inside your head.

      he has broken the bail by contacting you.

    • #14731

      Please, please please do not go back, call the police on 101 and log the messages or phone calls. He is intimidating a witness and the police and cps will utilize this. Please stay strong, you deserve to be treated much better than this.
      This man needs to be stopped. If he wants help he is more than capable of getting it on his own. But I feel he probably wont, because it is to do with his core belief systems. He believes the way he treated you is okay, and it is not. Please stay strong.

      All my love and support x*x

    • #14738

      It has been a very long night, my mum is going to phone the Dr’s today, she’s going to try and get a home visit but they don’t do that anymore very often.

      I haven’t stopped crying all night, my parents are being so supportive, I just don’t think I deserve it
      I don’t know how to carry on feeling like this.

    • #14739

      You deserve every help in the world. The way you feel is normal. Many of us have been through this. Trust me, it will get better. Imagine what an a.. he is. He abused his position to threaten you and keep you down. Imagine what he would do to people who need his help. You stopped him. Not only did you free yourself, but you also saved many people from him. My ex abuser too was in a position with responsibilities to people. In the end he could do nothing to me. All his threats went away with the wind. I am still on my guard though. Take care, you will get through this. You have done so well. X*x

    • #14749

      Please please listen to the advice already given by others and DO NOT GO HOME. He is a very dangerous man and you need to stay away from him. Deep down you know it and you know that you’ve done the right thing even though it may not feel like it and you are scared. Him saying he’ll get help, he’ll change, he won’t do it again, they are all empty words of an abuser who is just trying to get away with it. He’s shocked that you have taken a stand against his hideous actions and spoken out. He is panicking and trying to scare you. Do not listen to him. Give your phone to your parents. If he keeps texting and calling, it’s all evidence for later but at least you won’t see his messages.

      If he knows where you are, make sure you are not alone and that the person with you is ready to call the police if he does turn up. Don’t be scared, he can’t hurt you if there is someone else with you. And if he does, then the police will take him away because he has broken his bail conditions, again and again.

      You were absolutely right to report him. Don’t ever doubt that. You may feel confused but it’s only because you are scared but the longer you stay no contact with him the stronger you will get and you will realise that there is a normal life out there waiting for you. You don’t have to suffer at the hands of such a monster. He belongs in prison. You have lots of people around you now to help and you should take all the help offered to you. They will protect you until the time that you are ready to start afresh on your own. When the time is right, you can go to a women’s refuge where you will be safe and you can get your strength back.

      The most important thing though, you need to go no contact by any means possible so that he can’t get into your head. Take the time to heal and get stronger and talk to people who are there to help.

      We are all thinking of you and sending you big hugs.

Viewing 18 reply threads
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.

© 2024 Women's Aid Federation of England – Women’s Aid is a company limited by guarantee registered in England No: 3171880.

Women’s Aid is a registered charity in England No. 1054154

Terms & conditionsPrivacy & cookie policySite mapProtect yourself onlineMedia │ JobsAccessibility Guide

Log in with your credentials


Forgot your details?

Create Account

Skip to content