He still thinks he should be helping me out

[Mummyboo]

I moved into my new house recently. I love it- (Detail removed by Moderator) it’s so nice having our own space. The front garden needs fixed and I was planning on asking my brothers or getting someone in to do it. My ex mentioned it when picking up the kids- I just said I was going to get gravel down as it will be easy to manage. (Detail removed by Moderator) he text saying (Detail removed by Moderator) and he would borrow his dad’s tools and come and dig it out for me. I haven’t replied yet. I don’t know what to say. I don’t want him to help me, I’ve managed to set the house up my myself and I don’t need his help. I left him over (Detail removed by Moderator) ago with a bag of clothes and have managed to now have a little house with my kids. It’s just so confusing- it makes me think maybe I’m wrong if he was so horrible and abusive to me he wouldn’t try and be so nice now. I don’t know how to put it to him that I dont want him to do it without seeming horrible and starting an argument. I just want him to pick up the kids spend time with them and then leave them off again. I don’t question that he’s a good dad so he sees the half the week. He has these ideas about us being friends but I don’t want to be his friend.

[KIP.]

He’s trying to keep you hooked in and to keep the control over you. You simply have to send him a message just like you have posted. That you want him to simply collect and drop with children off and that you don’t wish any further contact. He’s not going to listen so you have to be prepared to stand your ground. You could ask him to let the children come to your door on their own. He doesn’t need to come anywhere near your door. Same for collection. If he has a car he can wait in the car. It’s important that you start as you mean to go on and set the boundaries now. You’re already questioning the abuse which is exactly what contact with an abuser brings. Confusion and minimising. That’s why zero contact is so important. He’s being nice because he wants to get close enough to slap you again. Maybe not physically to start with. Avoid all contact. Now you’re on your own his games will begin again. Now he sees you getting on with your life he will do his best to destroy that.

[freedomtochoose]

hello there,
you say you ‘don’t want to be his friend’
agree with KIP
by the way I am a skilled gardener, particularly versed in no-dig techniques and those suitable for people with little time and possibly physical challenges.
Please feel free to message me for ways forward as to how to do this yourself.
It is not as difficult as you might think
I love gardening and would be happy to oblige.
all best
ftc
x

[Author]

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