He thinks he right

[LonelyAs]

He actually thinks hes right. After everything hes done to me he comes to me saying he fells picked on. Does anyone else find this. He pushes me to breaking point then plays the victim when i finally snap. Theres no reasoning with him. Its like it just bounces off him. As far as hes concerned im the bad guy. Funny thing is i never out of nowhere cause an argument, never the one to kick off for no reason. Im not the one who comes out with nasty insults. I just mind my business and hope every morning and everytime i come home that hes not in one of his moods. Before i walk in the door or see him first thing i take a deep breathe and hope and pray its ganna be a good day or nothings aggravated or upset him. As they say it like living on eggshells. Alot of the time i just wish i didnt have to go home. But the way he was cracking up today he honesty believes we have problems cause of my mistreatment to him. I knew he was a stubborn man but seriously. How??? How can he think hes right im wrong and that im the problem.
Had a really s**t day.

[KIP.]

He’s putting the spotlight on you to deflect from his abusive behaviour. He knows he’s wrong he chooses to abuse you and he knows exactly what he’s doing. He simply moves the goal posts keeping your head spinning. It’s pointless arguing with a Pathalogical liar and gaslighter. Leaves us exhausted and deflated. He won’t change.

[Optimystic]

I feel sad reading this @LonelyAs x
I feel like you. I’ve been off on holiday with him and he’s been all I can describe as bipolar. Please excuse me for this, I’m well aware of this mental illness, it’s part of my job. But when you’re in it, it feels like you can’t actually label it. He’s vicious and nasty, then all over you til the point you’re like, just go away!! So very confusing and exhausting. I get anxious when I see his work van coming home. I do my very best to keep everyone happy. It never works and it’s getting worse day by day. I made the stupid mistake of snapping last night. I said, you’re the cause of all these arguments! He did his scary look and absolutely made out I was. I won’t say that again. You just know you can’t reason, talk like adults? I’m going to call woman’s aid and I’m going to get the help I need to leave. I hope you feel strong like me soon xx

[Beautifulday]

@Lonelyas

My H does this!like yours he will push me to breaking point, will talk to me like dirt, name call, swear at me , talk to me like a child then when I stand up for myself or he can sense a change in me he will turn it around me!! He has told me im a Bully! Apparently I’ve always been a bully, he told me im an emotional abuser! Blamed his outbursts on me, even the physical ones said if I hadn’t kept on or had kept my mouth shut he would have had to do those things!! And stupidly we believe them..well I did up until (detail removed by moderator) when I started educating myself and coming onto the forum.

Its what these men do! They know exactly what they are doing, the shift the blame to us , its their way of being in control, they know it upsets us but the more they do it the more they programme our brains into us believing its us who are the problem! Its that drip drip effect.

Its only when you come to places like this forum and read others experiences, talk to womens aid, get support, read up on terms its only then that you start seeing it for what it really is

My H has ground me down so so low, I feel as low as the floor I walk on thats the only way I can describe it, I feel worthless, I feel im the one with the problem BUT I’ve recognised he is an abuser and now making steps to get my freedom back.

Dont fall for it lovely!! They will play the guilt trip , turn it around on you especially if they sense you may be leaving or have changed your attitude toward them x

[Tracker]

This sounds so familiar!
I keep doubting myself even now still that maybe I am an abuser. One part of me thinks it is all my fault I am horrible it’s all my fault hes left again and the other part knows that’s what he makes me think and he is gaslighting.
He says I’m controlling, dont let him out the house, dont let him smoke or drink and treat him like a child. He will say my sister or my dad agree with me and think your out of order etc and he makes the whole world think that hes perfect and im controlling.
Then I think because they all think I’m bad I must be bad and I am controlling.
It proper messes with your head and makes you crazy.
However I say believe in yourself and what is in your heart and you will know deep down you are not to blame despite what he makes us think.
I know I was never controlling with bad intent. I encouraged him to get out the house with a proper job and applied for jobs and college for him.
It were only when he had developed a drug problem and started to steal of my son that I didnt want him out with fellow addicts only because I knew they would tempt him.
And after being cheated on several times you are bound to lose a bit of trust and faith in them.

[Author]

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