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    • #17616
      betterdays
      Participant

      The absolute nerve in the past wben we were out to smile away if he saw little ones say 3 or 4 yrs he would say there lovely when there like that. I thought really??? U couldn’t be right with your own son half the time at that age. I remember us me him and his son when he were a toddler going to seaside place my sons went on a ride and cried to go back on so that monster picked him up and shook him in the air x

    • #17621
      Falling Skys
      Participant

      Hi bd

      They are such idiots living a destored reality of the truth. Mine wouldn’t do anything with our children and now acts like grandfather of the year.

      But all he cares about is himself.

      FS xx

    • #17623

      It’s terrible Betterdays, I can’t understand an attitude like that…It is frightening isn’t it? You must have such terrible memories…Your heart must be aching so much when you remember these things and think about his awful attitude.

      My own husband used to repetitively say ”I wish they were older, I wish they were older!” when our children were young and obviously made lots of silly noises and played a lot and had not much self control. I used to respond the same thing to him which was that when they are finally older you will have missed some of the best years of their lives, their beautiful innocence and you yourself will be older and you will regret what you say. And I used to say that if he wanted them to be older, wait and see when they are teenagers and the problems will truly be there by then…

      He never replied. But he could not stop himself say his horrible remark. He used to say it even in front of his parents and it used to make me feel guilty for having had beautiful healthy babies who were, to me, a celebration of life and what I thought was love. I realised too late that I was on my own to think that…It still makes me feel really sad and I will never forgive him.

      He also broke one of my children’s little finger by slamming a door when he got shirty and my mum had to bandage the finger. My mum was there at the time and we heard the commotion then the howling as my child was in pain. A few years later my husband was seen punching the same child’s arm because he was drunk, and he could not get that child to do something for him during a party at home. We had guests at the time and one of the guests witnessed the punching, they decided never to frequent my husband after that but they only told me about this event much later when I divulged to them I had been strangled. They had not wanted to let me know and I really wished they had. I would have been aware of a serious problem I would have reported to the police. The one linked to the broken little finger shocked me but my mum and I were scared. At the time we didn’t know what my husband would do if we said something to him.

      My mum witnessed my husband’s vexed reactions when my young daughter spoke about his drinking and he threw his chair back and stormed away, my mum had not understood a word my daughter had said because she is not English and she was shocked and wondered what was happening to make my husband so mad so suddenly, how embarrassing is this…? I told my mum and she thought if my young daughter was talking about his drinking problem then there must be a real problem with him and his habits.

      Time and time again silence had to be THE reaction expected by him…No one was supposed to mention anything. We all had to stay quiet and say nothing or he would get very vexed, a vexation expressed with anger and storming off and at times erratic smashing of an object and driving off.

      They have this idyllic image of what families should be like, how beautiful and innocent these little kids should be but when reality hits them, they hate it, it is a disturbance to them. They fantasize about family life but the reality dishes out to them less than an ideal. They become also extremely jealous and can’t have their own wishes and desires served by us any more, they can’t stand the attention we give to our children and they hate the bond that builds between a mother and her child(ren).

      My husband is a Bad Father (Pat Craven’s book) and he turned everything I tried to do against me, he barely supported me in front of the children and criticized me instead, or made me look stupid. My kids used his reactions to divert the attention on the arguments between him and me rather than on the necessary discipline needed to sort their naughtiness. He rarely knew how to deal with them anyway, he had no authority and preferred spending most weekends out rather than stay with them. As they got older he used to tell me we needed to go out more often and every weekend would be spent out till I literally put my foot down and said that the kids could not raise themselves and that we needed to organise the weekends to take them into account and do things with them, so we could have a proper opportunity to educate them, listen to them, see to their needs and the needs of a family and a home in general. He didn’t like my intelligent and respnsible remarks…

      I would wake up ready to go to work on a monday morning and always wondered what we had achieved during the weekend…which was nothing.

      He also drank once for 3 consecutive nights (we were invited to stay at someone’s house as a family) and woke up on the final morning when we needed to drive a very long way (a full day’s drive) and insisted to take the wheel, he stank of whisky and beer and he definitely didn’t look good, I think he was still under the influence of alcohol. I had to insist I would drive and I put on the air fans on in the front of the car so I would not vomit at the smell coming from his stomach through his breathing in and out, it was disgusting…No sense of responsibility…

      Yet in his letters when we courted, he wrote that he would be a great husband and a great father…When I read all those words now, it makes me sad, betrayed, and also stupid for falling for such a sick man. I was blind and young, too young…

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