He wants another child

[Anonymous]

So since things have been bad for weeks, forcing me to go away abroad or he will take our daughter without me. I’ve had a lot to deal with. I’ve tried to be strong and put on a brave face but I am crumbling more and more everyday. I have a feeling he is trying to impregnate me without my consent. He keeps saying he wants another baby. I’ve never been on contraception because I trusted him but he has made some worrying comments and keeps mentioning that he wants another child. I am terrified he is trying to get me pregnant and now waiting on gp to contact me to go on contraception. I have to hide this from him because I’m scared of his reaction if he knows I’m on it. I keep thinking about it and I’m losing my mind. I don’t know how much more I can take.
He is capable of doing it without my knowledge and I know it’s just another tactic to keep me under his thumb. He says it’s his right to have more kids. Cultural expectations etc a

There’s so much he is doing and expecting, I am overwhelmed everyday, I am at my limit with anxiety and not knowing how this is going to end. I am trying to be normal so he doesn’t punish me more. I am trying to be ok for our child. I don’t know how much more I can handle. I want to leave but I can’t bare the thought of sharing my child with him and his family. How do I do this?

[Lisa]

Hi Icantdothisanymore,

I’m sorry to hear how you are struggling. Understandably you are feeling very anxious and overwhelmed right now.

He has no right to dictate to you that you must have another child. You are absolutely right in that he does this as a tactic to keep control of you. It is sexual abuse/assault for him to force or coerce you into doing so against your will. I hope you are able to get in touch with your GP soon.

Please do reach out to your local domestic abuse service with all these concerns, as they can go through all your options and safety plan a way out of the relationship so that you and your daughter can be safe. It can be frightening and overwhelming to start engaging with professionals who can start this process, but staying and managing his control and abuse is clearly exhausting and leaving you filled with anxiety (and understandably so).

A local domestic abuse support worker can provide both emotional and practical help. They will be sensitive to your situation and how you are feeling. They will also prioritise you and your child’s safety in all this. It will always be up to you what happens next and how you move forward. They can also help address your concerns about your partner and his family’s contact with your daughter after you leave.

The Coram Children’s Legal Centre provide free legal resources with advice and information on all aspects of family, child and education law, including relationship breakdown; parental disputes, duties of children’s services; child protection. They can be contacted on 0300 330 5480 (10am-4pm, Mon-Fri) and through their webchat service (8:30am-5:30pm Mon-Fri).

Do keep posting to let us know how you are and take care,

Lisa

[Anonymous]

Thank you Lisa I appreciate the advice. I am feeling quite defeated. Anytime I speak to anyone, irs always the same thing ‘this isn’t healthy, you need to leave’. I’ve been in touch with local organisation, they’ve advised I need a solid plan, but then proceed to say there’s safeguarding issues…which is terrifying that anytime you try to speak to someone you’re putting you and your child at risk when you’re not ready to take action.

I’ve lost friends because of this, because after a decade I decided to speak to people, they’ve all judged me and are fed up because I have chose to stay, they keep telling me nothing is changing and I need to stand up for myself. It’s like I’m not allowed to complain or vent without being judged by being told why I’m still here. People getting frustrated with me when they don’t understand.

I’ve tried to get criminal legal advice and helplines aren’t picking up for weeks, others tell me they can’t help me with my situation…I am at a loss. I feel judged and pathetic for it all, like I’m going crazy doing all of this and getting nowhere.

No one seems to have any sympathy or reassurance or a real answer for anything…everything is unknown and uncertain.

[Happybelle]

What a rat bag guy. I have always felt your gut instinct does not let you down.
Know how you feel about telling people and then not getting why you are still there. I always thought I’d be one of those that would never be in position. I think we are all very well aware it isn’t healthy to live this way.
You will find your moment to do whatever it takes to do what is best for you x

[swanlake]

I’m sorry that you don’t have understanding family and friends around you.
I’ve also been struggling to get through to helplines. My local domestic violence place has a weekly drop in and I managed to see someone that way. They weren’t much use in my case but it’s awful that yours have brought up safeguarding issues but then not suggested ways through them.
So I’m hoping that you can get help with a plan for a much better life for you and your child.

[Author]

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