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So… I was with my abusive boyfriend for (detail removed by Moderator). He was my first proper love. I have had other boyfriends and stuff but this one.. Was different in many ways. For (detail removed by Moderator) I put up with him being very violent, cheating, lying, taking my money and talking to me like sh*t. I finally got out last (detail removed by Moderator). I said enough is enough and I asked him to move out. It didn’t end pretty so the police got involved as he attacked me before he left.
Well a (detail removed by Moderator) on and the police dropped the charges as they said they do not have enough evidence to charge him. They told him though he is not allowed to speak to me.. So anyway. Me still having feelings for him I messaged him asking if we could put this all behind us as I hate having grudges and I want to help my him to be a better man and I still care for him a lot I want to make sure he is ok.. so I basically told him that over text.
He then rung my (detail removed by Moderator) saying ” Tell her that I still care about her so much and that we should talk again in the new year and re kindle things. I care about her (detail removed by Moderator) (as my (detail removed by Moderator) is really sick at the moment) and tell her that i’ve saved her number so we can chat in the new year when all of this is over”
I really feel stuck now, Some of my friends are saying maybe he will change because hes shocked you are talking to him again. Maybe he wont change. Some of my friends are really angry about us communicating again..
HELP!!!
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Hi
It is very rare that abusive people change. That might if they go on a perpetrators course and have a reason to change. I agree with hopesprings that you should cut off contact with this man as if you go back to him it will probably get worse than it was before.
Contact your local woman’s aid and find out what support they can offer you.
Sending support and hugs
Xx -
Just be really careful. I gave my ex boyfriend so many chances because I still loved him, I stayed with him for about 5 years. Love is blind and it is so hard to let the person go I understand that. However, if you can just remember the abuse he gave you and weigh up in your mind if it was dangerous or really abuse. Try and read up and learn the signs if you are not sure. As women, we are naturally more caring and forgiving than men. I used to have bruises on my arms, he used to pull my hair, throw me out the house in the middle of the night, try to strangle me, shook my head aggressively, push me over on the floor and almost down the stairs. The worst episode was when he picked up lot’s of different sized knives. He held them at my groin, my throat, my arms, stomach and chest. He put on a scary Halloween mask. I told him to put the knives down, I thought he was just joking, I thought no he won’t kill me, he can’t. He terrified me soooo much it was awful. He reinacted a rape scene. He pushed me on the floor, forcing me to give him oral sex. If I refused he said he would stab me. My God, if that’s not abuse I don’t know what is. I thought I was going to die that night. My God not good. That was the final straw for me. I used to forget about all the other stuff he did and just play it down. I used to think, well, everybody gets a bit angry from time to time its normal, every couple fights. But not like this. This was criminal, it didn’t feel normal or safe. It felt like a crime. I don’t feel safe with him anymore. I still miss him and love the guy and dislike being single, but I have read up on domestic violence now, because I knew nothing about it before, that in fact in DOES GET WORSE. The abuser does not change. The only way you can change him is if you end the relationship. If you go back it just gives him permission to do it again to you. He can walk all over you then like a doormat. You are stronger than this. Don’t let some bad man walk all over you. You deserve better. If you end it, he may realise what he has done and change. If he gets a new girlfriend in 5 minutes, then he will go on to abuse her as well. You are not missing out on anything. You don’t want to end up dead do you?! No! Your life is so much more important and better WITHOUT him! You don’t need him. You will attract a more higher value and quality man if you leave him. Stick to your morals and standards. You only deserve the best. Take care love Mardi xx
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