He wants more access

[Ribena]

We’ve recently gone our separate ways and I have our two young children living with me. We’ve bought new homes close together so he can still see them but on my terms – basically with me there so I can monitor it.

He threatened to kill me (not the first death threat) and the children earlier this year and I can’t forget the threat on their lives. He’s a massive drinker and takes all sorts of medication. Now he has started saying he wants more – he wants them alone and overnight – and I’ve refused it. He has started saying he can’t wait till they are old enough and can tell a Judge where they want to live and he’ll make sure they know how difficult I’ve made it for him to be their dad. He’s so bitter and angry at me – I just do not trust him. I think I’ve made a huge mistake in moving so close. I’ve no family or real friends here. It was supposed to make it easier for the kids to have a decent relationship with their dad. I don’t know what to do.

[Serenity]

Please don’t ignore your gut.

These abusers are very good at making you doubt what you know in your gut is reality.

Please all the NSPCC helpline and ask for advice. They are a great help.

Also, inform everyone possible – SS, etc, about the threats to kill, and say you wish to continue with contact supervised. This you are less likely to be accused of parental alienation: you’re being protective.

The NSPCC should direct you x

[Peaceful Pig]

I really feel for you Ribena, I did just the same at the beginning. I moved very close by so the children wouldn’t be so disrupted and could go between the two of us. Of course this didn’t pan out, I had no idea the scale of what I was dealing with back then. He constantly came to my house, pushed his way in and wandered about the rooms inspecting, turned up drunk and just controlled everything. He also abused the children. It was a nightmare. When things escalated the police were horrified to hear I was living so close by. Even though we are now a bit further away, I still think I should’ve properly run away because he still won’t give up. On top of this my child critcises me for them having had to move twice and thinks I was dishonest in the beginning. You’re completely right not to trust him but it’s hard to see how we can win. If we stay close to promote the father-child relationship they abuse the situation. If we move away and restrict contact we are accused of parental alienation. I don’t know if I can be much help because I seem to have made all the wrong decisions myself but your not alone. Try to hold onto the fact that whatever you decide, you’re doing it with the best of intentions for your children x*x

[Ribena]

Thank you both for replying. I am just being protective but he doesn’t get that of course. PP – they sound like very similar men. How long was it between moving for a second time? Are you happier being a bit further away?

SS aren’t involved – ex’s job means he knows how to play the system and I don’t know if I want to go down that route. If I call the NSPCC, how confidential are they? My solicitor has everything logged however, including one of the three death threats I’ve received which he left on my voicemail. She has suggested that if he’s wants more he’ll have to make the move via a Court, and I don’t think he’ll do that. Think I’m going to have to hold my ground and deal with the barrage no doubt coming my way. Thanks ladies xx

[EeyoreNoMore]

Hold your ground Hun and document EVERYTHING.

If it were to go to court, which sounds unlikely in your view, they are very much of the view that the children have the right to see their father, no matter how much of (detail removed by Moderator) he is. 😞

[Confused123]

Hi Hun

Follow your gut feeling, dont let him have kids overnight, let him go to court, this is only way u cna prtoect the kids, dont feel bad about anything

[Author]

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