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Has anyone else been abused by a gambler? I am away & still trying to work out why he was so vile, aggressive & abusive. I’ll probably never know, but I’d like too. He blamed me for financial problems, one week he had as usual ranted about how much toilet roll I’d used, the same week he had lost thousands of online gambling! I’ve heard that drugs & alcohol can make a perpetrator worse, can gambling too? He hid it years but I could always tell if he’d had a big loss by his anger. x
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Hey there. Abusers hide behind things like alcholol and gambling and basically any excuse they can. I remember trying to defend my husbands abuse by telling my women’s aid worker that it was the alcohol that made him violent. She said that lots of people drink and they are not abusive. Then I said that he had a stressful job and she asked if he abused his boss. Then I said he had anger management problems and she asked why he was only angry when the door was closed and there were no witnesses. You see, you can try to put the blame everywhere but the bottom line is that they choose to abuse us. The shame is all theirs. So don’t waste your time and energy trying to make sense of it because it boils down to abuse and dysfunction beyond our understanding. Concentrate on your own recovery. Good riddance to bad rubbish X
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Hi Kip, a lot of that rings true, my abuser didn’t keep it behind closed doors though he did it in public too, to me & was also abusive towards anyone who had done financially well for themselves. His anger was towards the world as a whole & his abuse when angry over anything was taken out on me. I think he had a history of abusing people verbally, his attitude to people when they made him angry was he’d scream & shout in there faces, until they would back down & be scared of him. I unveiled after (detail removed by Moderator) of his continued pathological gambling that he’d never stopped. Before I met him he had got into severe debt met him on a chat line, he was intense fast. Unbeknown to me (detail removed by Moderator) after I’d met him he’d been made bankrupt, so when met Me the out of area woman was ideal, I knew nothing of his past!!! Years later after dreadful suffering by him, I’m now away, I get so angry with myself for being so naive. Like you I asked myself was it work, gambling, him, Now I know it was him all along, just a vile toxic person x
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Addiction and substance abuse is rather a symptom and outcome of an individual’s problems- not the cause. People turn to those things as a crutch, rather than having the strength to work through their issues. And they abuse because they project their issues onto other people.
Abuse is an attitude towards others, borne of a sense of entitlement, a skewed way of looking at themselves, the world and other people.
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Hi Serenity How had a very sick sense of entitlement that was so Scarey x
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I don’t think so to be honest. I think they use addiction as a excuse but it’s not the addiction causing it!
I had a gambling addiction for (detail removed by Moderator) years and never once thought about abusing my partner back.
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Hi Not so strong, I admire you for sharing that, He was very clever at hiding his gambling, it was severe too, Had gone on (detail removed by Moderator), I think in his case he was angry with himself as just could not stop even over(detail removed by Moderator)after bankruptcy. He did portray his anger by blaming me for his financial problems, He was very secretive & very abusive where money was concerned. He portrayed himself as poor because of me, nothing could be further from the truth though, He controlled & monitored everything, I used to beg him to get help for his anger & could always tell by his anger towards me that he’d had another massive loss gambling kind of like it was my fault it had happened. I Know that’s what Perpetrators do reflect the guilt in an angry form onto us for their own problems. Abuse was his choice entirely. I also believe because of his family history that he has schizophrenia, he showed many signs. He had no impulse control at all though, would flip at anyone & anything over nothing. I think my abuse from him greatly escalated because I knew for sure without doubt that his gambling was out of control completely, I unveiled it because I was living in fear of him. Doing nothing wrong, but scolded daily & being completely controlled & manipulated by him. He also controlled his mum up until her death & stole thousands from her. I admire you for overcoming a gambling problem & never abusing anyone along the way. I would have done all I could to help him find a way out but his abuse was too severe to be able to stay. x
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