He Was So Immature

[Angeltakemehome]

I have been thinking about one of my ex-partners recently and I realised how immature he was. Hr used to self-harm and show everyone his self harm marks to get attention. He used to tell me about his child abuse but he would never listen to me. He used to punch wardrobes. He used to blame me for why he cheated on me behind closed doors but in public would say sorry. I felt pressured to say yes to him when he wanted a “friends with benefits” deal after he cheated I felt guilty and was reading a affirmations book so felt like I should go back. We didn’t have intercourse even though I assumed we had done as I did feel him go in slightly. I knew this aftef meeting another guy. He used to force his hands down my trousers. I was a virgin and very badly treated. I was planning on waiting until marriage. He was from a family full of domestic violence.

I was scared to work when I was with him. I wanted to be a housewife. I didn’t know much about women’s rights.
These are just some of my reflections. How was yout partner like? I am no longer with him but he used to call me up all the time and talk about the girlfriends he was with.

What was your partner like?

[Lisa]

Dear Angeltakemehome,

Thank you for your post and welcome to the forum. I’m sorry to read what you have been through with your ex. You’ve done really well separating from him.

If you’re not already in touch with your local domestic abuse service it could be really helpful to do so. They can offer ongoing emotional and practical support and may either have specialist counselling or be able to help you access a counselling service in your local area. If you haven’t got this in place it could really help you to process your experiences.
You can find if there is a local service in your area by clicking on the following link: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/

I hope you find the forum a safe and supportive place to be with others who understand.

Keep Posting,

Lisa

[Hereforhelp]

Hi Angeltakemehome

I wanted to thank you for sharing your post. MY My husband didn’t cheat, he did lots of other horrible things, financial control, manipulation gaslighting and blamed me for everything, i had to prove i loved him all the time and putnup with his pathetic questions if i went out about who was there and he would become a petulant jealous abusive man. I used to work but it was a god given that I would stop to look after our children. As they were young then, with just months between them in ages, I started an online business at home, I built my business up over the years, paid for any holidays, decorators as my husband neglected our home as well as us. Over the years he would say how proud of me he was in one breath and how useless, mad I am in another breath.

No matter the abuse there’s always similarities we all recognise on here.

Well done for getting out, I hope you are safe now ❤

[Angeltakemehome]

My first partner that I was with didn’t cheat but he was all of the above of what you were saying. He was possessive, excessively jealous, said I couldn’t get a job with braids in my hair.
This partner that was immature makes me have a lot of regrets. I would have volunteered more in the local community. I would have tried to get a job. I did go to university which is good and I have now graduated but took time out of university because of the abuse from the immature partner (My second partner).

I am happy I got out but sometimes I wonder if I should have more counselling. I have had domestic violence counselling in the past but yeah I am not sure.

[Hereforhelp]

That’s an amazing achievement going and completing your degree, you left your immature abusive partner, had counselling and are now in a different place. If it feels like you are stuck or struggling at this point then counselling could help, only you know how much is in your head. Did you do the freedom programme? I have started it recently and it is really helpful.
You have already come so far and have so much to be proud of yourself for.
❤

[Angeltakemehome]

What’s the freedom programme?

[Hereforhelp]

The freedom programme is based on the book Living with the Dominater by Pat Craven. It explores the different types of abuse, how it impacts. Have you read the book Living with the Dominater as it is really helpful and informative. I was added to it by my DA advisor but you can do it online, I think it is £12, and you can read do it again and again once you pay the £12.00.

❤

[Author]

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