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We are married, have children together. He is not violent towards me but throws things and punches doors and walls. He recently came charging at me with a chair. He calls me names and that is getting worst when he is angry. Puts me down, says I’m insane and need help. He also swears at the children and has hit them and called them names. He blames his anger on me because I show him no affection or don’t want sex that often. But I lost all respect for him along time ago and dont want that kind of relationship with him whilst he is like this. Last week was really bad and he was vile towards me. I said I was leaving and obviously taking the children with me, he left instead. But after (detail removed by moderator) he just moved himself back in after I asked him not too. We are now living in a very uncomfortable environment, not talking. I know he wants me to forget and move on like we normally do but I don’t want to go back this time. I’ve had enough of his behaviour. But how do I leave and disrupt all the kids. I’m scared of a new start even if this old one is bad. I want to stay in the home with the children.
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Dear Daisydo,
Thank you for your post and welcome to the forum. I’m very sorry to read of the abusive and threatening behaviour from your husband. His behaviour towards your children is unacceptable and constitutes child abuse. Living together now must be incredibly difficult, and I’m afraid there is a chance that his behaviour may worsen, as he will feel he is losing control. So please be aware that your risk may increase and please prioritise you and your children’s safety.
I’m afraid he is very unlikely to leave of his own accord, so to get him out of the house you will need an occupation order, as mentioned by KIP above. I understand it can feel a very big step to take, but it is the only way to get him out of the property if he has rights to it. To find out more about injunctions and for free advice about how to obtain one, you can contact DV Assist on 0800 195 8699
I think you’d find it helpful to call the 24 hour freephone National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247 to speak to a female support worker in confidence. They won’t tell you what to do, but can talk through your situation and signpost you to other support that’s relevant for you.
We all understand how complicated and difficult it is trying to separate from an abusive person.
You will be able to get through this, and it’s good that you’ve reached out here for support. Keep posting and keep talking, it will hopefully help you to decide how to proceed.Kind Regards,
Lisa
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Poor you!
They will try anything when they know you have had enough and want out as they have lost their control and power over you.
Stay strong and get the advice suggested but be very careful as this is when they escalate and it can get messy and even dangerous.
This is abuse from what you have said, you and your kids deserve better and I admire your strength.
I know how hard this is especially when you think about the “nice times” , I have been in this loop and got him to go twice before and both times were very messy and I listened to all his promises to change and get help, stop drinking etc and had him back , this is my third and final time and I have wised up , changed the locks have gone no contact (mostly!) and am not listening to his BS,waiting fro barrister to contact with a court date to try and get a non molestation order and a court order.
It is hard but i know i owe it to my kids in the long run and i am starting to understand i owe it to myself.
Good luck , keep posting x*x -
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Right there with you Daisydo. It is the worst environment to live in and I know exactly how you feel. I’ve been asking him to leave for 3 years and we’re still here. I have always been too scared to get any court orders etc in place but really hope you find the courage too, like the others have said they rarely leave if their own accord. Also agree their behaviour will escalate when they know you are serious and are really done this time. Thinking of you and wishing the best for you. X*x
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Thank you for your comments. I know what I need to do but it’s so scary. I have suffered from anxiety in the past and am worried this will BRI g it all on again. But the longer he is here the mire I feel like he is grinding me down and making me feel unable to be strong. I’m so worried of the repercussions of it all, he comes from a big family who will probably all jump to his aid cos when he is not in a rage, he can be a decent human. I don’t want any chance of me losing my children because they are my world, they know what he can be like and wouldn’t choose to be with him all the time. I know what I’ve got to do but I just got to get the strength to start the fight. Does anybody know what the timescale is when applying for an injunction?
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Oh Daisydo I can really relate to your post. My husband comes from a large family who all blame me and I am now band from their homes because they think I should just put up with it. To the point before when we were visiting them if my husband was starting to lose his temper they would encourager my children to just be quiet so as not to upset him, anything to placate him. It’s so sad. You are so strong my lovely and you can do this. My husband tells me I will lose my children too and that I’m a terrible mother etc etc. My children are too my whole entire world and never every want to be with my dad, they know the truth just like yours do my lovely. I’m so sorry I’ve never been brave enough for an injunction but think I will need to get one when he eventually leaves. I hope someone can advise you about the timeframe. I went to see a solicitor for a free hour which was really helpful and they can deal with things like injunctions etc. Keep posting hun and block him out, you can do this.xxxxx
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Hi Daisydo, If you’re applying for a non-molestation and occupation order and you feel he would become dangerous once he saw that, then you can apply to have it heard firstly without him there so that when it is granted the bailiffs can remove him straight away.
(detail removed by Moderator)
There are some great resources and information about this on the Rights for Women website. Just search on there for Occupation Order and Non-Molestation order. It’s the same form to ask for both orders (injunctions), and you’ll need to include a statement of your reasons.
Writing that statement was the hardest thing for me as I kept having the most awful triggering memories, and also I’m rubbish at remembering dates. If you are seeing a solicitor, they can help you to get that written though.
Have a think about what you might say, and any paper evidence you may have, bank statements, screenshots etc, and get those printed out ready and stashed away if you need to. I found it helpful to write a timeline for myself with some examples of his behaviours jotted along it so i didn’t get too confused.
There will then be a second hearing for a longer order, the timing of that is affected by if he, or a solicitor asks for extra time to put papers together.
I hope that helps some. I would absolutely recommend that you look at the Rights for Women site. Also have a look at the videos on you tube about going to family court (Make sure you use UK in your search). Those are really helpful, and have lots of pointers on the best way to present yourself, and what will happen etc. It just takes away that worry of entering the unknown.
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Hi Daisydo.
So sorry to hear this you must be at your wits end. I have been in this position a few times over the last (detail removed by moderator) so will be checking in here for shared advice if that’s ok. I am now at that horrible point again where he has just twisted everything back around as though we are back together and has put his wedding ring back on. I have lost my mind and don’t know how to tell him I don’t want to be with him AGAIN. He won’t leave and now I feel as though I must have some how led him on somehow.
I hope you find a way to sort your situation out you really deserve to have someone respect you decision and care enough about you to make you feel safe and happy x
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