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Has anyone else had problems or have any advice on how to get your husband to move out? The house is in my name but it was purchased whilst we were in a relationship. He has a property in his name but refuses to remove the tenant, saying that he will be living in the house with me until I either agree to sell it and split it 50-50 or I buy his 50% off him. Our relationship wasn’t violent, it was emotional abuse, and he’s now trying to guilt trip me and make me feel bad to get his way in the settlement. He claims he’s had a rubbish christmas (oh woe is him…) and is on the verge of a breakdown (which is pretty worrying to be living with, I don’t know what he might do if he does breakdown!). I really just want him to move out so I can make a life of my own again and have the freedom to invite friends/family over etc.
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Get in touch with women’s aid for support. Get some free legal advice so you know where you stand legally and financially. You may be able to get him removed using the courts. A letter from a solicitor might be enough to get him out but this is the most dangerous time when we try to end the relationship. How would you feel about changing the locks when he is out and dumping his stuff with family? Sounds like he’s going nowhere unless you make him. The emotional abuse was much worse for me. I’ve still not recovered.
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Some months ago I started a divorce and posted on here that I was delighted he and agreed the finances etc. Kip urged me me to be cautious. Indeed she was right. He has not complied one iota with anything. Still in the house. I am on “leave” for a while (detail removed by moderator). I admit to being flummoxed. Feelings of being controlled creeping back. That foggy bewilderment. Sorry I can’t help you, Sia, but this is a common problem.
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Thanks for your replies and sorry to hear about your situation Cecile. I’m seeing a new solicitor soon to start the divorce process so i’ll see what they say about getting him out. One solicitor I contacted told me to change the locks but others have advised to stay as amicable as possible with him to get the best deal for us both and save costs. I’m getting sick of him playing the victim – he even expected me to pay all his solicitor fees because i’m the one who wants the divorce. He still doesn’t seem to comprehend it’s all his fault which is typical of men like this.
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An abuser can never be amicable no matter how hard you try. It takes two. Having been through the divorce process I’d strongly advise to to take the advice of the solicitor who told you to change the locks. And use her for your divorce. She seems to know about abusers. Otherwise he’s going to escalate his abuse as he loses control. Being safe in your own home is vital and also while he’s sitting pretty with you to abuse, he’s definitely going nowhere.
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I had quite some job getting my ex out too. He played the victim camped out side the door all night. These men don’t listen and it’s all about them. Not sure why I let this go on for weeks and was scared to call the police. Finally he had knocked the door all night I had work in the morning and I couldn’t get out the house if I opened the door he would burst in. So my manager said for gods sake call the police. I did and he fled they caught up with him and arrested him for harassment xx he never came to my house again. He did contact me through solicitors but he was running scared in the face of the law. Think what I’m trying to say is don’t hesitate to get the police involved. I look back and think because I was so traumatised I want thinking clearly and I put us at risk xx
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Get some legal advice, sounds to me that if the house was in your name then it was your house – there is no protections for civil partnerships – its not recognised in law at all really so when you signed it was your house. However, now he is your husband all property and assets become shared don’t they – meaning he owns half your house and you own half of his.
Wondering if his house is worth more?
It seems perfectly reasonable for him to move out into his house and for you to part ways each with a house doesn’t it – only problem here is you are not dealing with a rational, reasonable person.
I do know that occupation orders are rarely granted if it means he will be homeless – not the case here though is it – he has a home he can go to.
What seems clear is that you don’t owe him 50% of this house, or if you do, he also owes you 50% of his right? Perhaps if he has this spelt out to him by a solictor then he would be more willing to walk away with his house and leave you with this one? x
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He’s claiming he’s spoken to his solicitor (I’m not convinced he has) and they’ve said anything pre-marital isn’t shared. His property was purchased before we got together and he fully paid for it. My property was purchased together (pre-marriage though) but only ever put in my name, so he did pay 50% of all the mortgage payments. So despite the law being that everything should be split 50%, he’s insistent that it’s only ‘fair’ I now pay him half the house and he keeps his property fully. And he seems to think this is the law. This is why i’m not fully convinced he’s seen a solicitor because I’ve spoken with about 5 in total and they all told me that everything you own goes into a pot and is split 50/50 and it doesn’t matter when it was purchased, who put what towards it or whose name it’s in.
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Don’t believe a word he says. Who do you think knows the law better. Him, or someone who spent six years studying it. If you’ve been advised by a solicitor to change the locks then that’s exactly what I’d do. You will be amazed at how quickly he gets his Tennant’s out. Don’t discuss anything legal with him. Let the solicitor deal with it once he’s out. He’s not interested in being reasonable and it’s pointless arguing with him x
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Hi. I hope you don’t mind me jumping on your thread.. I’m new here and wasn’t sure how to start a thread of my own.
I’m in a similar situation.
We are living separate lives (separate bedrooms) but he refuses to move out. Because we have a child. Telling me, I can go. But our child stays with him 😥 yet… he has had an affair. Of which he shows NO remorse and just tells me to “get over it!” 😥 I’m so hurt but don’t know what to do. I can’t afford to move. As he leaves me to pay all the rent and bills. So I’m now in debt.
I feel like he can do what he likes, emotionally hurt me and STILL call all the shots. I can’t talk to him about anything. As he just shuts me down. I’m so sad and hurt right now. 😥 I can even make a call for advice, as I’m worried he will hear and I can’t make a call while at work because there is no privacy. So the only way I can get advice is by doing this online. -
Can you get in touch with your local women’s aid? They may be able to offer you a place in a refuge until you can sort things out. I think there is a chat line on here some mornings. He’s treating you appallingly and you don’t have to put up with it. Is the house in your name? Do you have family you could stay with. Try to get some free legal advice about leaving with your child. If it’s not safe for you then you have every right to leave with your child. Abusers are liars as you know and also very often cheats too. They try to destroy our self esteem by treating us so badly. Please gather support and work on an exit plan x
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