Health after Leaving

[Strongenough]

Hi, since leaving my abusive relationship some multiple months ago I have never had so many coughs, colds, and throat infections. I have previously been of really good health. I also feel my personal appearance has taken a downward turn with weight gain and me generally looking a bit, well, rough really!

I am wondering if anyone else has experienced this? I really wonder if before I left I was in such a state of high alert my body never relaxed enough to become unwell? Being unwell with my ex meant you were lazy so even if I was a bit under the weather I would just get on with it and down play symptoms.

I’m annoyed really as I had visualised my post abuse life as me being physically strong, looking better than ever and being a sort of superwoman! Silly I know but just wanted to share to see if anyone else has experienced this with their health after leaving x

[Marmalade]

I understand this.
I think it’s processing the trauma and the immune system takes a bit of a hit.
When in a serious DA relationship we are locked in fight, flight, freeze survival mode. We come out and after a while everything is processed as the brain relaxes because we are safe. I think its quite common to unravel a bit at that point.
I aged in the months I left. I feel now that I look like I had a bad experience whereas I always looked young for my age. One of my friends I had not seen for a couple of years barely recognised me. I also put on weight, although that could be my age.
I also felt under the weather a lot but my mental state wasn’t good. PTSD and anxiety can make people feel very run down.
It does gradually get better.
Lots of self care. Relax, decent food, some vitamins and exercise. As your confidence improves you will get your healthy glow back and feel more like you. These men take a lot from us, but we can rebuild and come back stronger.
Good luck.

[Strongenough]

Thanks Marmalade,

What you say makes perfect sense, I had a bad experience and a really hard time. I suppose you don’t expect anyone else who has been through any other type of trauma to look and feel a million dollars. I’ve never really thought of that. Lightbulb moment! Thank you x

[Footballfan1]

Hiya,

Like you both said, my looks have taken a turn for the worse!!
I have wrinkles around my eyes that I never noticed before, my skin is blotchy and flaky , and it was healthy before.
I still struggle with self care, my ex made it difficult for me to shower, he accused me of getting clean for someone else, so I was often too stressed to shower.
I still struggle with this, I leave it as long as possible and have to mentally prepare myself beforehand.
It’s crazy I still feel guilty having a shower!!

My friend dramatically changed my hair, and that made me feel good.
I got lots of positive comments.
Could you do something like this?

I’m also trying to get back to exercise, I too put on weight, but haven’t been overeating or anything.
Must be to do with the hormones going on in our bodies if we all noticed putting on weight?

[Strongenough]

Exercise is definitely a tonic for my mental and physical health. I am going to prioritise this for the new year. I’ve been very basic with my self care over the last months also, I shower, do my hair and makeup every day for work but because I feel so rubbish I have no interest in nice clothes or doing my nails etc. My diet has been poor which is another act of self neglect I suppose.

This is what I love about this forum. I woke up today feeling unwell and confused about what I’ve become. I now know I’m not alone or crazy and this is all part of the process. Thanks so much for your replies. ❤

[Footballfan1]

Amazing Strongenough!!

Well done looking after yourself.
We all need to take a leaf out of your book.

I cycle to work and back, bit that doesn’t seem to be enough.

I have 2 younger kids, on my own now, I struggle to fit exercise in.

I have a little routine I do each day, star jumps, bicycle kicks, crunches etc.
I have recently started them again after months of not being in the right frame of mind

[StrongLife]

I too did social things and also watched diet/exercise to help. The stress of leaving and change can get out of control- it does effect your health.

[Starting-again]

Wow this has opened my eyes.
In the months since it ended i have done the bare minimum self care. Hair just flung up, not taking take of my personal care. I’ve put on weight and I can go days not looking in a mirror.
The same as you said, I expected to get over this and come out stronger and healthier and happier.
It’s definitely not been like that.
But I’m certainly going to try and make self care more of a priority xx

[cakepops]

I definitely experienced this too. For me it was because I felt like I was finally taking control leaving the relationship for the sake of our children, only to end up in what felt like a worse situation due to ongoing post separation abuse. It has taken a very long time to have more of a balance and feel more healthy.

I still slip into old habits often when my kids are away from me with my ex, as I worry and don’t eat/sleep well. But I have found ways to cope, to eat and exercise better and am looking forward to getting a dog soon too.

Your body will find its balance in the end, but in the meantime just try to be kind to yourself. Exercise routines are all very well but sometimes what your body needs is lots of rest and relaxation.

[Mellow]

It sounds like your just under the weather when I’ve been rekindled with my ex I feel worse since seeing him I’ve had cough cold throat infection tiredness ive took a step back don’t want to see him he wears me down.it could be you recovering from him your body uses it’s stores then rejuvenates

[Footballfan1]

I bet it’s the stress Mellow.
Somehow, they even get to us in this way, so our health deteriates.
X

[Eggshells]

Hi Strongenough,

Yup. I really aged after I left. I’m a few years out now and starting to find my own path and the years seem to be dropping off me again.

I think when you let your guard down and your body relaxes, it does succumb. This is early days yet. Your health and vitality will return.

[Strongenough]

Thanks Eggshells, that’s given me some hope.

[gettingtired]

This definitely makes a lot of sense. Initially after leaving I was amazed at how awake I felt. I was waking up actually not feeling tired! Compared to when I was with my ex and felt constantly exhausted no matter how much sleep I got. I always woke up feeling broken. I’m back to feeling more tired again now but I think life has gotten in the way a bit of me properly focusing on self-care. Even little skin care routines or a short walk can make all the difference in helping you feel better I believe x

[Author]

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