Hearing about ex

[Confused123]

Do any of u feel bad or sorry for your ex when u hear what a bad state they r in, I’ve heard his really toxicacted these days and just falling over drunk . Your gonna say I’m mad but he must be really hurting and things must be really low or bad that his in this state. Worst thing is can’t even ask how he is as everyone will be like what’s it to u , u left him ….

[Anonymous]

I would not feel sorry for him if my ex was in that position as he would of brought it on himself .. my ex caused me so much pain .(detail removed by moderator)

[KIP.]

If you were in his shoes he would be kicking you while you were down. He was never your responsibility and never will be. He is responsible for his own actions. Feel sorry for the people he hurts with his behaviour. Including you and your children.

[Serenity]

It’s because you are a normal, kind, empathetic human being, Confused.

I had these feelings. But someone pointed out to me that by being too empathetic, you actually stop someone’s growth. You stop them for taking responsibility.

Your ex is learning a hard lesson. And like with anyone, change is uncomfortable. He needs to go through this hardship if he has any hope of change. And in any case, even if he never changed, he had no right to inflict one minute of the abuse that he did upon you.

Don’t waste your energy on someone who might not learn his lesson for another ten years.

Hopefully, your stance will make him think twice about attacking another woman.
I agree with KIP: these people kick you ehennyoured down. They don’t deserve your sympathy.

[Confused123]

HI

I know what you are all saying is true, if it was other way round he wouldnt care, i cant beleive after all this time how strong the attachment is still there, wasnt expecting this , i keep telling myself if i show any sympathy he will only take advantage and not learn the message i am trying to give him that he cant do this to ladies, thx u for your ever ending support,ijust pray still he turns his life around in a positive way

[Nova]

I dread hearing about him, even thinking about him makes me SO anxious…& A ‘friend’ never stops, she’s definitely a sympathizer of his (clueless rescuer of abusive men even her ex husband)…I’m distancing myself from her. She wants to know all…& I’m not going there…she’s just a gossip thriving on other people’s lives.

People can feed you any old tosh about your ex doesn’t make it true…it’s like the abusers lie after lie…in the abusive world. Hideous place I want erase it from my life what an awful place to be because of a angry manipulative w****o. I have NO sympathy.

Cx

[phantasmagorical]

I understand this, but I agree with Serenity that being a decent, empathetic person means you’ll respond to those situations with care in spite of what they’ve done. I’ve been experiencing a lot of guilt and upset thinking of the state he’s in, but a lot of information is being held back from me. He lost a lot of weight this year and it really makes me worry. There’s been a lot of times I was tempted to step in and help him at expense to myself, but by then I was already so drained and I needed him to take some responsibility because I was at my wit’s end. Xx

[Nova]

…this is how abuse goes around and back & we get hooked in…hoovered!
It’s called the Drama Triangle …the persecutor the victim the rescuer these involve them & us…we discussed this at group therapy…it maintains the control and conflict.

I know like you that I have been reeled in with huge sympathy/empathy, only to be then ignored or told there’s nothing wrong…denial…tough if he’s hurt when I think of the abject pain and misery he has caused me (detail removed by moderator)by listening to his selfish self centred abusive miserable lies I feel physically sick.
Believe me when I say I would give my last penny to a stranger…I work in social care Im aware of real deprivation.

He is a charlatan a manipulating schemer who knows EXACTLY what he’s doing…n*********s go ‘depressed’ before they groom their next victim.
The horror goes on…v frightening No sympathy No contact I’ll save my love and care for people who deserve it, and that certainly is not him. Likewise he would step over me if I was lying n a ditch. I know.

Hugs Cx

[Positiveandlookingahead]

You know what I would be very glad when I hear about the day he is suffering and so he should! They think they’re above everyone but one day their behaviour will catch up with them. My soon to be ex husband (it feels like it’s taking forever!) Is the only person in the world I wouldn’t help if I saw him being attacked in the street. I would simply have to walk away and I would never ever say that about anyone but he’s vile just like the rest of them so I said God protect me and do your best with him!!!!!!!!! God is our witness and he will love and protect us always. Him getting drunk and losing weight is only part of the problems he will have because behaving like this will not get you very far in life in the long term
. People who behave like this will get nothing because nothing is all they deserve anyone decent enough will either run from them or he will cause them to drift from them. GOOD! Focus on the goodness in your life he doesn’t deserve any ounce of sympathy what is deserved here is justice whether that be them suffering financially, physically, mentally etc he needs to suffer.

[KIP.]

The real freedom comes when you can think of him and feel nothing. I’ve been through all the emotions but my favourite is nothing, no reaction at all. The last time I saw him I was in my car driving along and I laughed. He was doing something idiotic in a Xmas jumper. I just don’t know what I ever saw in him. Take away the control, manipulation, coercion and outright threatening behaviour and violence and there is nothing. Good riddance to bad rubbish. Do something nice for yourself today. Make your own wellbeing your sole focus X

[Serenity]

Same here, KIP.

The Christmas jumper detail made me laugh.

My ex has adopted some facial hair which looks rather ridiculous. I smirked to myself the last time he drove past me.

[Nova]

: ) have to LOL at their expense!
I’m not that far along yet to think nothing…however I do know I would never want to see him or hear him..your right in saying take away the abusive control and promises…there is totally nothing.
I suppose I’m angry & bothered that hes probably bad mouthing me…to anyone that will listen…I know I shouldn’t be bothered, but I feel sick thinking of them all getting the Mr Nice treatment..and I’m left in this mess.

Anyway on a positive…no doubt things will improve for all of us! we are getting rid

C x

[Confused123]

Thank u ladies , your insight always helps me think from a different prescpective

[Author]

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