Hearing from someone I knew during DV.

[weather]

Dear All,
This isn’t directly related to domestic abuse, but I heard from someone today who knew me when I was initially trying to leave my ex-abusive husband. Her children have all grown up and she is proud of them. I haven’t replied to her and not sure if I will, as it reminds me of the past. I just wanted to mention it here and feel as if I’ve moved on. I am not the person I once was when she knew me.

Thank you for reading my message,
Weather

[Shipoffools]

I think your post says it all. You have moved on. With social media it’s easy for others to find us…that’s all that’s happened. If this person was a true solid friend she’d be in your life now. I’d say leave the past behind.

[weather]

Dear Shipoffools,

Thank you for your message. I did email my friend from the past and spoke to her via WhatsApp. It actually went much better than I’d expected, and yes, you are right, she isn’t really in my life or has been until I made contact with her via email. I have moved on and don’t even reside in the same country as her. I just wanted to connect with her to see how she was because she initially saw me in the state I was in when I’d instigated leaving my ex-abusive husband. She never met my husband and she’s someone I feel I can trust. It’s hard living somewhere that’s completely different and where I have no friends. I’ve actually lived like this for the past (detail removed by Moderator) years and it is taking its toll on me. I don’t want to explain my reasons for not being able to make friends, but I know that most of it has to do with my past abusive upbringing.

Thank you, for reading my message.

Keep well and I look forward to hearing from you again.

Weather, 😀

[Twix]

I suppose I’d think of whether the person is genuinely wanting to connect with you when perhaps they’d found it difficult to know how to handle it at the time. If they make you feel good then keep it up! Maybe it’s the past coming to the present to help you face something you’ve left undealt with. I think people come in & out of our lives for a reason, but don’t beat yourself up if you don’t want contact, do what feels right xx

[StrongLife]

So true. I had someone trying to call me back to it just after I left. He kept txting me.

I cut contact. Some of the things he was saying were dangerous as he knew me and ex.

Please be careful with this situation.

[weather]

Dear Strong Life,

Thank you for your warning. The person isn’t a perpetrator but is someone I used to be friends with when I was with my ex-abusive partner, who, thank the heavens, he never met. This person is someone that I feel I can trust and is also anti-domestic abuse. I keep away from toxic abusive people and listen to my instincts now, which I never did as a younger person.

Today, I was even asked why I’m not married and hated having to justify my reasons for not wanting to get married. I’ll also be planning to cut myself off from that person. I like being single and am trying to claim back elements of the person I once was before I met my perpetrator. It’s hard and there are so many things in daily life that can trigger my C-PTSD. At the moment keeping busy helps me and I am so grateful that I have a job which keeps me safe. I am grateful for being alive right now, as so many women and men die trying to escape their abusers. I’m a thriver.

Keep well and safe,

Weather

[Author]

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