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My boyfriend has been abusive and violent to me. We have a a baby together. He always had a very bad temper and becomes very mean when he is upset and will say anything to hurt you. It has been contant complaning of small things how bad i do things from cleaning to how i am as a person. I have tried to improve on all his complaints but there was always something else how matter hard i tried and the more i tried the meaner he became. there was nice moments but they always ended. I know im not prfect and have flaws but when somebody constantly push you down you start to believe it. He will say how nobody can stay with me long and critisie my lack of degree and how my current job is for teanager and i am not a smart person. he would call me laszy. he will constantly tell me i know nothing and i cant do anything right. On top of this he has been violent at a few occations pushing me while holding my newborn dauhter, Draging my hair and kicking my leg while laying on the floor. He has recently punched my arm while my daughter was in my arms and kicking my leg. I never had any injuries just a smal bruses on my leg and the violence where never been super painful but it was trauma especially infront of my daughter. He did threats saying if you dont stop i will punch you or you will end up in hospital but these were just words. He had once remorse and felt ashamed and the other times he was like i was overeacting and denying it and i should not have pushed his to loose his temper that i pushed him to the edge. I feel so ashame especially he ended up leaving me. Now i have to restart single mom, without a job and a place to stay…..i feel so bad and i want to stay stong for my child….. i dont know what i could have done diffrently????
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You couldn’t have done anything differently. Abusers are all the same. Nothing is ever good enough. There are always reasons to act in an abusive way. You couldn’t possibly have done more or tried harder. I know because I have been there too. My ex also hit me and told me I was overreacting, he minimised the value of my job and he was never satisfied by anything I did. My life is infinitely better since leaving. It’s hard at first, but it gets much much better. Keep posting for support. The ladies on here are amazing.
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Hi Bibi,
I’m so sorry to hear what you went through, his behaviour is extremely abusive. I felt very worried for you while I was reading but was so relieved to see that he has actually left. I know it doesn’t feel like it but this is honestly a gift when you are involved with someone like him, because the hardest part is getting and staying away from them. It must be incredibly scary and alone raising a child with no job etc but without him you can thrive and provide a much better and safer life for the child.
Have you got any support from friends, family or local groups? Get in touch with your local domestic abuse team and see what support they have. Ring the helpline too. There will usually be local support for new mums and also single mums, Gingerbread is one I can think of off the top of my head. Also get any help you need for finances and housing, CAB are good with this sort of thing as well as the councils themselves.
I would recommend you take photos of the bruises and log it with your gp, who can also provide support. Then if he returns or stalks you have a log and evidence file for the police if needed. Also write a list of all the abuse to help you stay focused, and for evidence too. The main thing is to not let him come back now, because you would not be safe. They like to worm their way back in so be on alert for that happening, sadly they often have several women they go between and go from one to the next depending on their mood. You are so much better without him. Keep posting for support.
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Bibi my heart was breaking reading your post. The verbal abuse and specific things he said to you are almost a mirror of what my ex partner said to me. Despite me emotionally and finiancially supporting him for months when he was unemployed and roller coaster mood swings. There is nothing you could have done to reduce his behaviour. I am in a similar stage to you but without a little one to look after. You have been blessed with your beautiful baby so you must make sure you put all your loving focus towards her. You will heal just like I will. Nothing we would have done would have been enough. That’s part of their manipulation and control. You can do this! One day at a time. Contact the national domestic violence helpline and they can put you in touch with your local service. I’m due a call from one of their specialists tomorrow. Lots of love to you.
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