heartbreaks and pain

[LoveAndHate]

Hi,I’m new here on this website.I would like to say things are very complicated with my relationship.I can’t tell none of my friends because some I fall out with because of him and im to embarrassed to tell and feels very stupid.I haven’t been telling anybody whats going on not even my family.I need somebody to share with whats going on thats in the situation as I am to kinda understand. I don’t know what to do actually in this relationship.So many thing going on trust,abuse,playing with feeling,family,love,and cheating.Also something that can’t be easily get out now since I have a baby with him.We had a big fight about something which I’m gonna be telling later on,he said that if I even leave I would not get the baby me neither nor him.He gonna send her to his parents.Since he wants the baby to have a whole family.I also have love for this man so much but hate him too.

We been together for awhile when I first met him things were nice,I can still can remember it.Even now there are goods and bads,I think stupid too at the same time in my head why are you still with him.The man laid his hand on me two times.First time was when he left small bruises on me about small dispute thing in the middle of our relationship ,but the second time I was battered up with cut up lips with blood,bruised eyelid from being slap so much,stomach from punches,arm from being grab so hard because I accused him saying who was this woman A(a random name)also at that time I had the baby already she was (detail removed by moderator) old and we are living together after I (detail removed by moderator).The thing is I found (detail removed by moderator) from A with professing her love and they been together for awhile from the timeline of the letters the thing is A I saw her letters before once (detail removed by moderator) and I look through it and he told me it was (detail removed by moderator).I believe him even though my intuition said no like why you kept these letters?

Also many more events that I can go on things happen between me and him that I can write a whole book about it just like every women on this forum with their relationship.If your thinking why have a baby with him?The baby wasn’t planned just right before covid started start to hit the fan in the news and everything.I didn’t know I was expecting until i missed my period and because I was sick.I told one of my closet friend (detail removed by moderator) (we are not close anymore)that I thought I was pregnant and she said come over let’s buy the pregnancy test and it was positive and I double check again.She said i will be here for you and the baby if he doesn’t want it(like you know women talk)and she said does he know and you should tell him.Which I did I called him and I blurted I was pregnant but (detail removed by moderator).He was angry he didn’t know first.So many thing happen at those few months.He was happy,than a certain event he told me to abort the baby,I ignore him he came to see me we talked things went back to normal but not really it was like hot and cold.He love our baby though for sure right now.

i don’t wanna write so much on here since its alot to read whats really going on.But the thing is women intuition is always right.I felt he was talking to other women actually let me just correct this (he is)Since for the first time today actually I get to his phone and I seen some text and dms.but here he always said no one but me and he onlys loves me and us in the future with our baby and more.I don’t know what to say im scared to confront him because I’m afraid his temper will flare up and things will get nasty.Also at the same time I wanna leave but at the same time I can’t because I love him and our baby.I know things are laying out in front of my eyes right now but it wont go through.I really need to just say whats going on since I bottled everything and because pregnancy and after giving birth there was no one to actually to tell even his family.I don’t think even his family knows anything much about other women he talking to.

[Darcy]

Hi beautiful Angel,
Welcome to the forum and well done for posting.
It is very brave of you as it takes a lot to open up after having to say nothing to anyone for so long.
I hope in someway it has helped you to share your thoughts.
You will find lot’s of great tips and advice on the site from all the other lovely women, so stay connected and keep posting.
A lot of what you have written about is classic abuse tactics from an abuser.
Have you spoken to anyone at women’s aid or the domestic advice helpline?
Although posting may only seem like a small step, this is the start of setting the wheels in motion for you to get your strength back and step into your power ready to leave.
Sending you continued love and support
Darcy xx

[Author]

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