hell on earth

[gran]

i want to escape from this living hell.
of nastiness and control
i need to get some willpower,
to climb out of this hole,
i have two feet
with which to walk
i have a mouth
with which to talk
but still can’t make the move.
somehow i have to go
beforei leave it far too late
i’m moving far too slow.
love from gran xx

[Escapee]

Oh Gran! That sums up the feeling of hopelessness I felt before I finally reached out and left.

Beautifully put 💕

[Wants To Help]

Hi Gran,

How are you? I have just read some of your past posts and other poems. How have things changed for you lately?

Poetry used to help me too, I wrote this when I was trapped and had lost the woman I once was.

I look in to the mirror
I don’t like what I see
I don’t like the reflection
That is looking back at me
It’s not the girl I used to know
The spark’s gone from her eyes
It has to be a stranger
A stranger in disguise

When we first met you were so perfect
And it all just felt so right
It seemed like fate we were to meet
And I fell for you that night

But one year down the line
You’re not the person that I knew
Yet despite the way you treat me
I’m still so in love with you

But then…

I look in the mirror
And I don’t like what I see
I don’t like the reflection
That is looking back at me
That’s not me, it can’t be I
It’s someone I don’t recognise
It has to be a stranger
A stranger in disguise

This has to end, it can’t go on
Don’t like the person that I’ve become
I’m oh so meek and now so shy
I can’t look people in the eye

It’s down to you, it’s what you do
When you beat me black and blue
How can you do this? Where’s the end?
You are my lover and my friend

Can I live like this?
I know it’s not right
Do I put up with this?
I think I might

But then…

I look in the mirror
And I don’t like what I see
How can I despise so much
That girl that looks like me
How will this end, I just don’t know
It will only end when I’ve the strength to go
Until then I live my life
As a stranger in disguise

[Soulsearcher18]

Hi Gran

I just read your poem.
You do have willpower Gran, you are on here and reaching out.
You are talking and we hear you.
Your mind is walking (the first step) and your feet will catch up.
Thoughts and best wishes to you, please keep sharing.

Soulsearcher 18

[gran]

thank you all for your supportive comments,escapee, i am gladyou have managed to escape,thank you for yourcomments.wanttohelp your poem is amazing i could never write a poem as long as that, i always run out of words after a few lines, most of my poems i write for my late daughter,who i miss more than anything else.but the angry ones are all for my husband, which come into my head after a particularly bad night,writing themdown helps you to offload doesnt it. soulsearcher18, i love those words,”your mind is walking and your feet will catch up” certain phrases like that i try to keep in my head, as inspiration, thank you, lots of love gran xx

[Oveewhelmed]

Hello Gran
I was drawn to the title of your post and would like to send love and compassionate thoughts. I would send some wisdom and advice but Id struggle to. This is partly because I’m still learning from these kind and brave forum members and partly because my sibling bully has rendered me unworthy of any sense of value or personal self-worth but this is your time and space so I’ll hold back on my whingeful words. Love and strength to you.

To all – I’m in awe of your poetry. Sending love.

[gran]

thank you for your comments overwhelmed, i hope things have got easier for you now, i have notbeen on this site for 6 weeks because most of my time is controlled, but i hopefully can add a new poem which i wrote recently.
WAITING
waiting for the eruption
it’s never far away
one minute life is normal
then one wrong thing i say
and the volcano of his mouth
comes spurting everywhere
verbal diorhea leaves me in dispair
and once again i’m desperate
to hear his words no more
to permanently leave him
and quietly shut the door
for there is venom in his words
that cuts me to the heart
and i just want to go away
and from him be apart.
love and happiness in the future toeveryone on this site, love granxxx

[PaleBlueStar]

I relate to what you are going through. I would describe my house as the House of Horrors.

You can get out. Reach out and get advice and support.

You will get there.

I lost a sister who was in a bad relationship. I miss her and althoygh she died thinking I was very happy I want to get out and move on in her name as well as mine. I am also guardian to her two children.

Star

[HunkyDory]

Oh gran. Sending much love and many hugs. Your poems are beautiful x

[gran]

thank you star,I’m so sorry about your sister. i hope you find happiness in the future.getting out is so much harder than some people think. i know i long to escape but cannot put one foot in front of the other. i feel like he will not cope and will die if i leave and idon’t want his family to blame me, even though they have an ideawhat he’s like, but i feel like ihave been in prison since my teens. i know my our children wont blame me though.when i put a poem on here i feel like i’ve done something out of his control and it gives me a sense of me being in control of something.hunky dory hope you are well, i also love and appreciate your positive comments. love and happiness to you both in the future love granxxx

[Hazydayz]

Hello Gran how are you? How’d ya feel today? I just popped by to see…if I could help in anyway? I cannot change your future, but offer words I’d say…hope your feeling sure, one day you know? your rights…be free to go, slip quietly through that door! Find the sunshines on you, your pathway lies in wait, follow your heart remember, never is too late! 💞 Wordplay by Hazydayz x

[Weepingwillow]

Hi Gran. I can totally relate to your situation.
I’ve been with my partner since my teens and wish I had the strength to leave
Your poetry is beautiful but heartbreaking x
Hope we somehow manage to get out xx

[gran]

hi hazydayz and weeping willow. hazydays i wish i could do as your inspiring verse says but i doubt it now i am well past pension age and dont seem to be able to move, i will probably just keep my marriage vows(till death us do part) i so wish i had left when i was young, it would have saved my kids from a distressing childhood. weeping willow i hope you escape soon love gran x*x

[Author]

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