This topic contains 10 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  SA2020 3 days, 20 hours ago.

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  • #108052
     SA2020 
    Participant

    This is a really long story and I’m sure I’m gonna mimiss parts out. I’ve been with my husband a long titime and in all that time he’s been perfect… Until (detail removed by Moderator) months ago. He stopped taking a medication cos he was sick of taking it but it is a serious medication that ya can’t just stop. He didn’t tell me. I noticed a change in him and as a good wife I mentioned that something wasn’t right and maybe make a Dr appointment. That didn’t go down well. (detail removed by Moderator) I had a new medication added to control (detail removed by Moderator). So he said nothing wrong with him it’s me, I’ve changed since my new medication. He was convinced and nothing I said made any difference. It was like I turned into his enemy. Somehow we got past (detail removed by Moderator) then it started to get worse. He still believed it’s my fault, the stress and things going wrong. He bullied me to call my (detail removed by Moderator) and tell them my medicine isn’t working and I was so worn down I done it but they said it’s not possible, so I put phone in speaker and said can you repeat that and he heard but when I hung up phone he said still don’t believe them. This call triggered me having to go to appointment to prove I was ok. He has also told his mum these things and they both verbally attacked me telling me I’m not well and all the while I’m watching this hell and trying to prove I’m sane. Next thing was I went on school run and came back to him telling me he called drs for me told them I have mental health problems and I have appointment..I was broken by this point, I nearly cancelled that appointment but I thought fine I give in… Went to it and poured my heart out and was given a councellor that has called me every week and held me up. He has also called police and hung up to scare me but the call connected so (detail removed by Moderator) cars screeched into my street and as they ran towards to the house my husband was excited about the drama. I nearly ran out back door I was so scared. But I stayed and they put it down to lockdown domestic. Before all this I’d have bet my life if I was ever in a pandemic I’d need him by my side. Even a pandemic didn’t stop him. 😭 His mum knows alot of things he’s done that I haven’t mentioned but she’s telling me .. He’s a good boy really, your not like other women as in domestic violence but that’s not true and she knows it. I’ve been gaslighted/crazymaking and more. I’ve watched the man I love create chaos and nothing changed for me all them months back, I love him and wonder about if medication can do this. He’s has depression but that’s not the medication I’m talking about but he didn’t tell Dr that he stopped a medication so Dr thought ok if your feeling low I’ll up your depression tablets so that’s 2 major things happen to his brain at once. I’m week (detail removed by Moderator) of him finally realising it’s his fault. He was in a group chat and asked certain questions and the ppl running it couldn’t answer them so that sent a message to him that he’s the abuser. My trust is completely shattered. I don’t trust a word he says and I’m scared he’s only seeing it’s his fault too keep the peace until after lockdown then he will tell me I need help again. If he is telling truth I need to find a way to recover from this before I decide what to do with him. He truly was a great husband. Can ppl change like that. So they the months he would tell me.. Ok I see it’s me… Peace for a few days then he will say…I only said it to shut you up…… This would be a pattern in repeat each week sometimes couple times a week.

    He also can’t handle the damage caused. I ask questions so much cos I’m wanting to believe him but he gets irritated by that. I say well this is what you caused.

    Thanks for reading

  • #108111
     Eggshells 
    Participant

    Hi SA2020, welcome to the notice boards.I’m so sorry for you. This sounds horrendous. In short, no, it is not likely that he has changed. I don’t know how much you know about the abuse cycle but if you google trauma bonding betterhelp, the betterhelp website is a good place to start. They’re actually a consellnig service based in the US I think, but you can browse their pages and begin to find out a little bit about what is going on.

    When you are ready, there is a booklist. One of the first ones I read was “Living with the Dominator” and I was surprised to discover how many different types of abuse I had been subjected to.

    If you’re not ready to start reading, please keep posting. This is a very supportive community and we are here for you.

    If you start a thread and no-one responds before it gets bumped off page one, please do add to you right thread. Just write “bumping” and it’ll get pushed back up to the top of the list where we can see it. x

  • #108112
     Eggshells 
    Participant

    Ps. Number one rule of the psychological abuser is to make their target and everyone else believed that the target is mentally. I promise you, you are not mentally ill.

    • #108119
       SA2020 
      Participant

      Thank you, it’s been hell and I’ve been in dark places cos of this. He’s called Dr and mental health company to get help. I can’t tell if this is for real or not. My head says one thing and my heart says another. I’ve tried to protect him throughout the (detail removed by Moderator) months, madness. I feel a total doormat. I feel alot of negatives towards myself. I can’t even give him any energy anymore. I’ve broken down and now it’s about fixing myself. I had a fantastic councellor that helped me each week. I’m so so mad at him for putting me thru this. There’s things I can’t talk about just how do I’ll stick with the gaslighting for now. Getting worn down since (detail removed by Moderator) and it got worse then a pandemic. How do we do it. I feel empty

  • #108120
     Eggshells 
    Participant

    Do you have an outreach worker from WA or Refuge?

    I’m just wondering if it would be a good idea to discuss this with your GP too? These mind games can be crippling but I’ll be honest, I’m worried that he’s trying to involve outside agencies to help him with this. When abusers recruit someone to help them to enable your abuse, we call them “Flying Monkeys”. These enablers can be used, willingly or unwillingly, as a very effective weapon against you. I can’t help but feel that you really need to get some professional help.

    • #108124
       SA2020 
      Participant

      Hi yes after months of my councellor trying to softly tell me to call women’s aid I finally did. Today was my 2nd meeting. So far I’ve said everything that I’ve said here and they listen. I’ve been given some paperwork to read thru today. Thanks for all your advice and I’m searching the thing’s you say and reading.

  • #108125
     Eggshells 
    Participant

    Ok. I’m pleased you have someone from WA. Please keep posting; ask questions or just vent. Responses seem abit quiet today but we’re all right there with you in spirit. xx

    • #108135
       SA2020 
      Participant

      Thank you, it took months for me to actually call. But I’m there now and still a bit nervous and it’s unreal where I am but will see how it goes.

  • #108145
     SA2020 
    Participant

    How do you all cope when your alone and you start thinking about everything then feel low. I distract when I’m busy but when I’m not it all comes back to my mind worse. I need to stop thinking

  • #108158
     Eggshells 
    Participant

    Tbh I’m not coping just now. I’m about to post. Atm of I’m full of whiskey which helped for an hour or so. Then I post on here to people who understand. Sometimes I play music. Sometimes I stomp it off. Sometimes, nothing helps.

    • #108166
       SA2020 
      Participant

      😟😭 aw I’m so sorry.

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